The Fine Art of Breaking the Ice
There was a very nice phrase doing the rounds of social media, as is common with nice phrases. It went thus:
“If you want something you never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done before.”
Here it is, in all it’s graphic glory (since no one reads things these days if it’s not on an image)-
You must have seen it — prolly liked, shared and commented on it too. After all — you can’t not agree with stuff like this, particularly if it comes with a background like that. And it’s quite right too. But the thing about doing stuff you’ve never done before is — it’s quite uncomfortable. And no one wants to be uncomfortable.
That’s usually why we don’t want to change our jobs, our city, our friends, our usual hangouts, beer, newspaper or even our soap. It’s why people don’t just sign up for Zumba classes if they’ve never done it before or go for open mic nights where they don’t know anybody. Everybody wants to be nice and cozy. Everybody wants to see familiar faces. Everybody wants to have their jokes laughed at. Nobody wants to be with a bunch of strangers where you have to break the ice.
Ice-breaking is perhaps the hardest part of trying something new. A new activity by itself isn’t all that daunting, but doing it with a bunch of people you’ve never met or spoken to can be a downright bummer. It only gets harder because as we grow older, our personalities get kinda rigid and our comfort zones too well-defined — or rather, we become like our parents. Still, it’s not all that difficult — most of us have done it at some point in our life — first day of college, first day at a new job. And I mean, there’s a quote and all at the start of this post telling you how important it is — you can’t argue with that.
So, to start with, bear in mind a couple of things while meeting new people:
1. People are generally nice.
Forget the cast and crew of Savdhaan India or criminal minds. This is not the Crusades. By and large, people are not running about with machetes trying to club you to death. Neither are they going to get all your personal info and start blackmailing or stalking you. You’ve anyway shared way more than necessary or safe on social media. So chill.
2. But, they can be mean.
It’s good to be slightly cautious about who we let into our folds. Don’t get carried away by first impressions, and take everything with a pinch of salt. Also, going out of your comfort zone doesn’t mean being uncomfortable. There’s a fine line between pushing your limits, and respecting your boundaries. Know where that line is.
With the basics sorted, breaking the ice is not that difficult, long as you keep your expectations realistic. It’s important to realize three things about ice.
1. Ice is hard.
Essentially, prepare for some resistance. You won’t join a new group and be all guffawing and back-slapping within five minutes. There will be awkward silences, someone is bound to make an offensive comment and people may even stubbornly refuse to open up at all. But that doesn’t mean you go at them with an ice pick or handle them with a pair of tongs. Things will smoothen out in good time.
2. Ice is also cold
Not everyone is going to laugh at your jokes. Many people won’t even hear it. Some will pretend not to. Basically, you won’t like everyone, and neither will you be liked by everyone. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time, you just need to not get affected by everything everyone does or says.
3. But, Ice Melts.
(Btw, you do know that the ice is a metaphor, right?). With or without you trying, eventually things will start flowing. It is important though, to be patient, and to give things a chance. Eventually you’ll find the people you get along well with, and can share a good vibe with. You’ll also be able to put up or deal with people that you can’t stand.
Sooner or later each group develops its own dynamics and each individual in a group takes on a role. Not like the Avengers or anything, but yeah — more like Friends. Much of the confusion and dissatisfaction or “bad vibes” as we like to call it comes about when you aren’t sure what your role in a group is. This usually happens if you’ve tried too hard to get along, or try to act like someone you aren’t. Regardless of whether you meet someone for the first time or the tenth, it’s usually a good idea to speak your mind (politely) and at the outset be clear about what is cool with you and what isn’t.
Ice breaking takes time, and things often thaw over a couple of regular meetings or activities. While it can get a tad bit uncomfortable, it’s definitely not a reason to keep you from having fun or meeting more people. All it needs is a bit of practice. After all, remember the quote at the start? There’s a lot of fun to be had by breaking the ice with new people. And if you need opportunities for practice, join a group of your interest on Brigge today — we promise you’ll get loads of opportunities to do things you’ve never done before and have the kind of fun you’ve never had, you just have to break the ice. Oh and join the app
