Donald Trump Pledges To Build Wall Around Brighton

Today at one of his many rallies, Republican hopeful Donald Trump pledged to build a wall around Brighton, East Sussex. He even went on to say that he will make Brighton pay for it.

Looking at the i360, erected recently in the city, it doesn’t seem too far fetched that Brightonian’s may have to foot the bill for something they didn’t ask for.

In his latest tirade he said first he was going for Mexico and then heading for the liberal stronghold of Brighton, a city he pronounced the name of severely incorrectly.

Trump, who famously got mistaken in Madame Tussauds as a waxwork figure of himself, has been on the look out for dissenters on Twitter and found that a unanimous percentage of the population of Brighton think he’s a ‘Golden Haired Twat’.

Donald stated “The biggest threat to fascism, hypocrisy, bad haircuts, Fashion sense, dignity and totalitarian corporate agenda is a small City in the south of England called Brighton, and it must be stopped. They actually have fun and help each other there, it’s sickening.”

The crowd erupted in cheer. He then went on to wax lyrical about the virtues of conformity, blind ignorance and his golden mane before saying he wished to poke Brighton right in the foresight.

Brighton reacted with typical distain with an old age pensioner saying “Why don’t you build a wall around yourself.” One of the best solutions we’ve heard to the problem yet.

The conservative government released a response stating simply “We wish we had thought of that”.

Boris Johnson, dopple-ganger and blonde lock advocate stated that if we leave the EU he might even pay for the bill himself.

The rest of England were surprised to find that Trump had enough Geographical knowledge to locate Brighton on a map at all, he doesn’t look as though he would be able to locate his penis even if it wasn’t immeasurably tiny.

All in all he’s just another prick with a wall.