Train Delays Expected As The Fat Controller Goes On Hunger Strike
The daily commute from Brighton to London is expected to become more of a trial tomorrow morning as The Fat Controller goes on Hunger Strike.
The Fat Controller known as ‘fatty fatty takes up two seats’ for short has had enough of the mismanagement of the southern service so is taking drastic measures to ensure it becomes exponentially worse.
Lucky for commuters however is a rumour circulating about the Controller in which he has never been longer than 20 minutes without food. Although he objects to these claims saying it’s an average of 30 minutes if you include sleep times.
It’s recommended that you check your train line app for cancellations but if you are bored on the platform you can watch the hunger strike which is being streamed via Periscope.
A friend of the fat controllers who didn’t want to be named spoke up about the situation:
“It’s all lies! The only reason the trains go so slow in the first place is because he weighs them down. He’s massive, trust me, I’ve got a massive face but his is just unbelievable. All the pictures in the press doctor it with photoshop to make him look tiny. He goes around mostly in a mobility scooter due to his crippling gout.”
“Those trains are just jealous *scoffs pasty* I’m gonna be so thin.. errr… I mean, the train line is going to be so efficient after I *consumes french fancy* ,mmm, go on strike. It’s for the benefit of everyone basically, there is not a selfish bone in my body and that’s coming from someone *eats full roast chicken* that’s awfully big bones”
Will The Fat Controllers fast make the trains faster? Or will the commuters feel the flab? Fingers crossed.
