When aliens abduct a Software Engineer
Alien leader : So, who have we captured this time?
Alien 1 : It’s a human from that tiny island called Sri Lanka. He says he is a software engineer.
Alien leader : Again? Seriously? Every time we went there we got a software engineer. Don’t you know the meaning of “a RANDOM guy”??
Alien 2 : I don’t know sir.. There are so many of them!! Looks like half the population there are Software engineers.
Alien leader : Whatever.. Just go interrogate him!
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Alien 1 : All right human… Wake up!! Tell us about yourself.
SE : I’m a hard-working individual with a passion for developing innovative programs that expedite the efficiency and effectiveness of organizational success. I’m a Confident communicator, strategic thinker, innovative creator and a good team player. In 5 years I see myself leading a team with proper management.
Alien 1 : What are you talking human??? Just tell us about your day to day life
SE : Oh.. sorry! Yesterday I fixed a production issue and started investigating on another. Today I’m gonna continue investigating.
Alien 2 : What issue? I don’t understand.
SE : Oh come on now! First I’m told that don’t talk about all my problems in the daily standup, don’t go deep, just say it briefly. Now you’re saying you don’t understand. What do you want me to do?
Alien 1 : Hold on.. what ‘standup’?
SE : Okay bros.. Now I’m confused. If this isn’t an interview nor a standup then what is this? Because those are the only times people look at me the way you do right now.
Alien 2 : I think we gave him a bit too much of drugs. Anyway, let’s ask him about his job.
Alien 1 : Yeah.. So human, what do you do at your job?
SE : Well.. I develop software.
Alien 2 : So are you saying you’re a software developer?
SE : Yep.. That’s what I do.
Alien 1 : Then why did you say you’re a software engineer? Are you a developer or an engineer?
SE : Okay…. Now that’s something I haven’t thought before. I guess I’m bit of both.
Alien 2 : So that means you are not even sure of what you are doing as a job. Wasn’t there any other position that you could apply for?
SE : Well.. I could have applied for QA.
Alien 1 : So why didn’t you?
SE : Haha.. bro, one thing is, to be a male QA you need to be a very friendly and very pleasant guy. Otherwise you will get beaten by developers daily! The other thing was I think they prefer to hire female QAs.
Alien 2 : Why is that?
SE : Those girls can charm their way into developers’ minds and make them do their bidding bro. Not a lot of people can convince a developer that he is wrong. But these girls do it everyday! The other reason is their memory.
Alien 1 : What about their memory?
SE : Ammo bro…. They come asking you whether you have fixed the minor bug they have raised 7 sprints ago. They will even tell you the exact date that they raised the bug and the conversation that took between you two. So as you can see, women are naturals in this job.
Alien 2 : Now that.. I can understand!
Alien 1 : So is this how you dress for work?
SE : Yeah… It’s very comfortable but it has downsides too.
Alien 1 : What are those?
SE : Well… In the eyes of people in our country, this is not how a guy with a job dresses. Long sleeved shirt is a must to be seen as a professional. It’s the difference between ‘sir’ and ‘malli’. People see us as some wannabe posh boys who wear shoes to university. Funny thing is even the beggers don’t come to us asking for money. I wish the income tax guys also had that vision!
Alien 2 : Whatever others may think, you can live happily with your earnings right?
SE : Let me draw a picture for you. You can save money and buy a car in 5 years. It takes 10 more years to save money and build a house. So after 15 years you will have a brand new house and a 5 year old car. But you won’t have a wife as you didn’t have the money for a wedding! Yeah.. Life’s just wonderful bro!!
Alien 1 : What’s with the ‘bro’? Why are you always saying that?
SE : Come on.. I’m still on probation. I gotta earn people. These days I’ll even say ‘bro’ to an alien!
Alien 2 : This guy is making me crazy! Let’s just drop him off and never pickup anyone from that country ever again.
Alien 1 : Yeah bro!
