My Girlfriend Thinks I’m Gay

Thou shall not feel! One of the societal unwritten commandments for men which is held to a higher regards than the almighty, “Thou Shall Not Kill.” The sin is not in the feeling itself, but rather the revelation of emotions. For it is in our callousness as men that we are awarded a badge of honor of masculinity. And in times when we assume a posture of vulnerable sensibility we are ridiculed and labeled as being “soft.” This accompanied with an ultra-aggressive sexualized climate, and excessive worship and adoration of money has undoubtedly desensitized black men in our attitude and actions toward other men.

Whether you have agreed or disagreed with the statements above, allow me to offer a (Bro)spective that is not of professional diagnosis but one of careful observations of a 23 year old young black male.

“Y’all are gay!”

Those were words echoed by my beautiful girlfriend at the onset of our relationship. Her statement was not one of attack and negative assertions, but rather of shock as she could not comprehend the bond that my bestfriend and I shared.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on how our closets were nearly identical and how often we wore the exact same thing from head to toe without planning. It was mind boggling to her how two young men in their early 20’s could ride in a the same car and listen to Usher’s Confessions from track 1–17, singing every word, all while being emotional, but not one bit uncomfortable.

Paradoxically, the comprehensiveness of the complexity of such relationship can be fully attained when one comes to grasp with it’s simplistic characteristics.

“We are comfortable”.

Comfortability breeds and cultivates an atmosphere not burdened by the opinions of others. It is my personal opinion that the tale of Jekyll & Hyde portrays an inverse relationship within the duality of most black men living in America; macho, false bravado man by day, and himself by night. We have accepted the notion that showing too much joy around each other is somehow…soft. And somehow being soft strips you of your badge of honor to be a man.

Evidently, most “hard” men appear to end up in jail, and those who still roam freely have done all but yet surrender their physical freedom for their minds have already accepted a life sentence without parole. Consequently, such mentality incarcerates black men mentally, and unfortunately, bail is never granted no matter the amount of money one possesses.

Speaking of money, it is clear that our overflowing infatuation with it, and its constant association with sex and power has given birth to a misleading ideology that money somehow replaces fellowship and relationship.

Christopher “The Notorious B.I.G” Wallace famously echoed “Fuck bitches, get money.. Fuck niggaz, get money” on one of his most popular songs, “Get Money.”

It is my conviction that my generation has erroneously, undoubtedly, and wholeheartedly adapted this paradoxical way of living. When analyzed carefully, listeners can see that Wallace is emphasizing the importance of acquiring money and promiscuous relations, while encouraging men to have no regards for each other as if this is the true sign of power. All of this contributes and promotes a separatist agenda amongst black men that creates more damage to the community than it removes.

“A village is as strong as the tightly knitted men that protect it.”

Unfortunately, the lack of unison, sympathy, and the inability to partake our vulnerability has weakened our community. And we all know a weak community is always susceptible to attack. Interestingly enough, years later, my bestfriend and I have the money, but have never used it as a measuring stick to belittle each other but rather to build each other. Our relationship is stronger now than it was then. This alone creates an environment of strength and a foundation to build upon not just for ourselves, but for our families because we understand that the power of two in money, fellowship, and even emotional attachment is greater than one.

“It is when we feel each other’s hurt, feel each other’s happiness, and feel for each other unashamedly that we truly live by a good set of manly commandments.”

Most readers may believe that I’ve over sensitized the subject at hand. And that too is fine. However, this will not change my relationship with my bestfriend nor change my stand on this issue, because my girlfriend already thinks I’m gay.