Four Times Nazis Were Owned in Movies, Ranked
And one TV show
Friends, it’s been a week. To quickly recap, some white supremacist dipshits gathered for a tiki torch convention in Charlottesville, Virginia last weekend. One member of their decrepit gene pool killed Heather Heyer, a counter-protestor, by running her over. Predictably, tub of orange Nickelodeon Gak Donald Trump essentially defended the white supremacists, blaming the violence in Charlottesville on “both sides.” I mean, sure. After all, the Nazis AND the allied soldiers created violence in World War II.
Calling them white supremacists is probably too kind. There were Nazi flags, symbols, and salutes. If you participated in that behavior, sorry, you’re a Nazi. Life comes at you fast. You either die a hero or live long enough to see your man boobs become a national punch line.
I’m still angry this happened. You might be too. I don’t understand how criticizing this behavior is remotely controversial in 2017 but if you’ve been on the internet there’s plenty of people willing to die on Defending White Supremacists Hill, which is adjacent to Confederate Objects Are Important History Boulevard. I’m shocked that Trump (a bigot) has emboldened this type of behavior. Shocked!
Anyway, I needed to blow off some steam so I assembled this list. Conveniently, Nazi’s have been one of cinema’s biggest punching bags for the last 75 years. Anytime a filmmaker needs a boogeyman or representative for all things evil, just make the setting concurrent with Nazi Germany. (And, hell, they can even be set in present-day America since we seem to have such a willing contingent of Nazi sympathizers. How fun!) From war movies to musicals there’s no shortage of Nazis taking losses in film history.
Let’s be butterfly snowflakes together and bask in pop culture’s greatest examples of Nazis getting dunked on.
***SPOILER NOTE!!! I’M GOING TO LIBERALLY SPOIL THE END OF EACH OF THESE MOVIES/SHOWS BELOW BUT YOU’VE PROBABLY ALREADY SEEN MOST OF THEM.***
#5 — Star Trek: The Neo-Nazi Generation
Green Room was a well-liked thriller/horror chamber-ish piece from Jeremy Saulnier, whose debut feature Blue Ruin I loved. Green Room left me colder, but for the purposes of this exercise we don’t care as much about my personal taste in movies so much as we care about Nazi pain.
I don’t want to bog you down with too much plot but the basic structure is this: the Ain’t Rights, a punk band, are touring the country looking for gigs and they stumble upon one at a remote neo-Nazi bar in Oregon; they witness a murder in the green room; to eliminate the risk of the Ain’t Rights going to the police, the skinheads try to murder the band members; the band fights their way out. That’s it. Many of our heroes die, but take down all the neo-Nazis along the way. In an inspired bit of casting, already-bald dude Patrick Stewart plays the menacing owner of the bar that wants the band killed. It’s a rare villain turn for Stewart, everyone’s favorite grandfatherly actor, but he’s brilliant and menacing in the role.
He also gets shot in the head.
If you want you could choose to read the film as Nazis trying to snuff out art, similar to Nazi Germany destroying an uncountable number of artifacts during their invasive occupations. Killing art is, in effect, killing a culture. Or quite literally, if the Ain’t Rights are killed so is their art, and in escaping they preserve something more important than themselves.
Or you could also just view this as a bunch of Nazis getting what they deserve. Either way.
#4 — He Murdered Them With Science
At the end of Breaking Bad, anti-hero Walter White is a broken man with one remaining mission: save his former partner Jessie from the white supremacist gang who kidnapped him and force him to cook meth. Walt weasels his way into their den and unleashes his last MacGyver impression in a show full of them.
I’m not going to read into that. That’s just dope as hell. The dead guy on the massage chair is such a great touch.
#3 — Indiana Jones and the Memorable Death, Part 1
If you need a refresher for the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy is searching for the Holy Grail before the Nazis can get their hands on it. After much questing and adventuring and plot devices Joneses Indiana and Henry end up at the Grail’s chamber along with Donovan and Elsa, who are working for the Nazis. Donovan drinks from the wrong cup, and, whelp…
“He chose…poorly” is an all-time shade-throwing moment. By the way Elsa bites it too in a few minutes, just not as memorably. Meanwhile, Indiana survives and makes too many sequels.
#2 — Indiana Jones and the Memorable Death, Part 2
Obligatory entry from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Maybe the most famous movie death in history. Look at what happens to this Nazi dude’s face when the Ark of the Covenant is opened!
Note that the other two men in this scene also die horribly but the only thing anybody remembers is the face melting guy. Congrats to him?
#1 — Glourious Basterds
Quentin Tarantino retcons history and delivers the most satisfyingly twisted sequence in film history. During the premiere of a propaganda film, a theater full of Nazi officers and sympathizers is set on fire…including Hitler! In case you’re wondering if anybody survives, the theater blows up, but not before Eli Roth takes a machine gun and turns Hitler’s face into Swiss cheese.
The rest of the movie is littered with Nazi-death porn, but the theater sequence remains the standout. My mouth was agape when I saw this the first time. Everyone knows about Hitler’s death in real life, but Tarantino says “nah, fuck that” and forces Hitler to sit through the horror of knowing he’s about to die painfully. It’s catharsis I didn’t even know I wanted.
I don’t think Inglourious Basterds is Tarantino’s best film, but it is interesting that in a winking nod to the audience he calls it his “masterpiece.” To Tarantino, there is no higher calling than brutalizing Nazi scum for over two hours, history be damned. That’s why it tops this list.
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