Waiting for Game of Thrones: A Guide
Season seven of Game of Thrones is behind us already. Winter came and went before August was even over with. To make matters worse, we may have to wait until 2019 before we see another winter. (On our heating planet and in Westeros).
You are probably wondering what the hell you are going to do with yourself. Seriously, what else is there to do?! Don’t worry, I knew this day would come. As did anyone that understands that television seasons don’t last for years on end.
So, I’ve compiled a quick list just for you. And you. Oh and you too. It should help to guide you through these horrible months and years of waiting. You are very welcome!
Oh, and there’s plenty of spoilers.
- Read all the books so that you can complain about how much better they are than the show.
- Try to comprehend how drunk the show’s writers were when they decided to have Theon win a fight using his special ability of not having a dick.
- Come up with a new theory about how Bran is some crazy ass thing in the world. Starter kit: maybe Bran is actually the shadow baby of the Red Woman. Make it work.
- Realize that Bran watched Little Finger teach two prostitutes how to be lesbians. Wow, being the Three-Eyed Raven is a creepy gig.
- Become a cartographer and then rewatch season seven.
- Listen to the Adventure Zone. Just do it, not everything has to be a joke!
- Find a show that has more incest in it…I dare you.
- Contemplate just how much meat those dragons have to consume to stay alive. (The spinoff show will be about the perilous lack of goats in the world when this is all said and done).
- Shout Dracarys every time a cashier asks you for credit or debit.
- Start watching Lord of the Rings then turn it off realizing there are no boobs. But there is Viggo…you change your mind and keep watching.
- Pretend you are a normal citizen of King’s Landing when Dany brings her dragons over for the “peace” talks. (It wouldn’t exactly be like waking up to a little rain or something).
- Wonder if the dragons have a specific place they poop, then reference your earlier contemplation on much meat they eat to guess how big them piles get.
- Play Skyrim and try to save all the dragons instead of killing them. #nodragonskilledonmywatch
- Do everything you can to get a restraining order against you from George R.R. Martin.
- Use “It is known” as every citation you ever use from here on out.*
- Speculate why the same exact wig is used for every male Targaryen in the show.
- Listen to the Brothers Geek podcast. Damn right I’m self-promoting.
- Decide on how many episodes it’s going to take for the writers to have the dragons fight each other.
- Then after deciding that, realize that the ice dragon is going to kill the other lesser dragon and then Drogon will have one hell of a fight with it. But the ice dragon is going to be killed by the scorpion using a giant dragon glass bolt. You heard it here first.
- Re-watch the whole show even though you know damn good and well you will do it again right before the last season starts.
- Pretend you weren’t rooting for incest to happen on that boat.
- Pray to all that is holy we won’t have to see Hodor as a walker.
- Admit there’s a part of you that wants to see Hodor as a walker.
- Sob bitterly when you do all of these things way too quickly.
- Realize it’s not so bad because it’s the best possible time to be alive as a geek because you still have Star Wars, Stranger Things, Westworld, more Star Wars, formulaic Marvel movies, Chris Pratt doing something somewhere, and even more fucking Star Wars to get you to 2019.
Well, I hope this helps at least a little. It’s going to be one long ass wait.
*It is known
For more geeky things to get you through to 2019 check out the Brothers Geek homepage and podcast below: