Crystal Fucking Clarity
From someone who hasn’t got a fucking clue.
I feel like a fraud. Sitting down to write this article for the 3rd time still typing and then deleting because in my heart of hearts I know I am not really clear and haven’t been for a while.
I preach the importance of it and there was a time I felt it’s power, but these last few weeks, maybe a month now, have been nothing but a giant cloud. A thick smog of sorts that I can’t seem to pass through no matter how many turns I try to take.
When I decided to contribute to this blog, I knew this would be my first piece. It came natural, as this was the topic of my presentation in Costa Rica. I imagined a long, inspirational story about how I have become crystal fucking clear on who I am, what I want, where I am going and why. I was excited to be seen as the leader on this topic. The one you can come to for guidance. And yet I sit here staring at those giant post-it sticky notes you can stick to the wall with all my notes on what I feel is missing from my business and my life (page is fucking full) and what I think I can do to fill those voids (page is pretty fucking empty).
So here is a new idea. I am going to write this article. But not as the leader of finding clarity but as the entrepreneur who has hit a solid fucking wall- a wall that has been a real bitch to climb because of it’s sturdiness (which I find to be ironic since that sturdiness is what I am searching for). I am going to write this article as the entrepreneur feeling her way out of this bitch ass smog.
So what does it mean to be crystal fucking clear and, the question of a lifetime, how the fuck do I (we… yeah, you can come along for this journey, too) get there?
Clarity- the quality of being easy to see or hear; sharpness of image or sound (according to dictionary.com).
Crystal fucking clarity- the quality of being easy to see or hear; sharpness of image or sound; deep internal excitement, passion and confidence about this image or sound because you know it came from deep in your soul (according to Gert)
We all know of it’s importance in our lives. The ability to know what you want so you can make decisions and big boss moves that don’t fuck your whole life up. But what happens when you can’t find it or paint the image? When you don’t have this sharpness?
The feeling, if you haven’t felt it before, is agonizing. My heart beats fast and my stomach fills with butterflies knowing it’s somewhere down there because I can hear it whispering to me but it’s too faint to make out what it’s saying.
So how the fuck do I break through? How do we turn the volume up on this whisper?
Now that I am writing this, it seems simple. Hindsight is a bitch, ain’t it?
Spend the time- this seems obvious but I don’t know very many people who schedule time in their lives to figure themselves out. Have you ever taken a soul searching day? Who I am kidding, I am talking to the Startup Island community… well, if you are like me and have gotten caught up in the day-to-day, I challenge you to take a soul day (or hour) sometime this week. It will probably be some of the most valuable and productive time you’ve spent in a minute.
Shut the fuck up and listen- I went to a talk last week by Mickey Singer, the guy who wrote the Untethered Soul. He owns Temple of the Universe, an incredible, sacred place in Gainesville but anyways… during the entire talk he was laughing at how crazy we are as people. How when something feels wrong on the inside, we look to the outside to fix it. I should move… I should end my relationship… I should have a child… Instead of sitting with ourselves and these feelings and pulling from deep within to find the answers. Because they are there (at least that was the point of his whole speech and if they aren’t there I am going to be pretty fucking disappointed). In all seriousness, though, whether you meditate or write, draw or rap, let it come out naturally, without filters, hesitations or doubts and I truly believe you will find what you are looking for.
Map it out- If there is one thing I know about myself, it’s that I am a visual learner and doer. When I can write it and see it on paper, it just clicks. Get a piece (or many, many pieces) of paper and start to map out what you think makes you tick. And what you know doesn’t. What are your values? Don’t know? What do you think they are (and hint- look at some of the overlapping themes/activities/conversations you have in your life)? Better yet, brain dump. Anything and everything. Just get it off your heart and on to paper for your eyes and mind to see.
Ride the wave- we all know how this works. Some days we are up at the top of the wave, able to see the entire ocean. And there are the days where we are so deep in the valley that all we can see is the next wave about to crash down on us. I have learned to appreciate and value all parts of the ride. Because no matter who you are or what you do, you will experience both. One is no better or worse than the other. Both are an opportunity to challenge your perspective and be grateful for the past, present and future.
Feel that it is ok- We KNOW it’s ok to not always be clear. Isn’t that supposed to be the point of life, finding ourselves? But we don’t usually let ourselves FEEL that it’s ok to not always be clear. Feel the deep ambiguity, the empty hole, the fear. Feel all the feels of not knowing and become very comfortable with that. Because it’s probably going to go down a few more times in your life. Just because you may know your values and your direction now, doesn’t mean that shit won’t change. And it SHOULD change.
I hope this helps even one of you. I think often times, especially in a community of highly-motivated badasses, we (I) think we (I) always need to show up as the life of the party with a ten year plan and a brain full of inspirational quotes and stories. But the reality is this journey is fucking hard. And scary. And overwhelming and…. you know the deal. But when we learn to embrace and celebrate all of it just the way we do the highs and the wins, we have an invigorating journey ahead full of surprises and opportunities.
Side note… if you ever need to talk about this shit, please hit one of us up. If there is anything I have learned from this phase of my life it is that you can do a lot on your own, I mean, a lot but nothing beats having someone to call who can say, “you know, I feel you.” So, Startup Islanders (and guests), I feel you.
Grind on,
Gert
