The Business of Being Me

The concept of “becoming an adult” has come to be a fascinating thought for me, as it indicates that you are growing into something. With this premonition is an idea that what you are to become is predetermined. In a sense then you fall into line and become a product of the world around you, which is oftentimes shaped by those you see as adults — your parents, teachers, coaches.

While it’s far from a bad thing to have mentors to look up to, many people grasp onto this idea that adults, especially our parents, have everything figured out, and that what they say is true and right. When our parents told us to eat our vegetables we pushed back until we were forced. When our coaches told us to study hard we rolled our eyes but reluctantly did the work to stay on the team. At a young age, we are engulfed in a sense of naivety and fall under the influence of those older. While this mindset is natural, and part of growing, what we fail to do is acknowledge that we are all just humans. Humans with different experiences, perspectives, and context which we then are able to interpret and transform into a mindset or an action.

When I was younger I fell into the same cycle because it was safe. I took my parents' words as law simply because they’re my parents, and they’re older. So, therefore, they must know what it takes to be successful. I was scared that if I did not do as they said, and follow their advice, that I would become a failure. But within this context, what does it mean to be a failure? It means not being an engineer nor a CEO. It means not making hundreds of thousands of dollars. But success meant not being who I was meant to be, or who I wanted to be.

By allowing myself to fall in line with the structure my parents had built, I was lying to myself and failing to become me. I was more focused on becoming this idealized version of an adult than I was myself.

This first hit me as I moved back home and began my career. Living in my house without the distraction of homework or sports I became hyper-aware of the environment I grew up in. I would hear my father struggle with his work dynamic in a job that he has held for 40+ years. I talked my mom through losing a job she had become frustrated with. Though nothing new, I began hearing their words in a new context.

As I was beginning my career, they were winding theirs down, and their discontent for what they chose to do throughout their lives was magnified. My parents stayed on course in life because it was safe and easy. Both of them held jobs that were severely diminishing the value they could achieve in life because they chose to sacrifice happiness for a source of income, and something that became a familiar constant. Neither would push to pursue another opportunity because there is too much uncertainty in change and too much risk. Neither of them chose to take control of their lives and take entrepreneurial steps to build something better. At the age of 60, the adults in my life most certainly did not have the answers I once believed they had, and I grew to realize that almost no adults do.

As “adults” we can never be certain of what’s next, but we aren’t supposed to. We are too concerned about what was, and what will be, that we aren’t focused enough on what is. After observing this with my parents I decided to make a change and take control. I began treating my life like a startup and making decisions based on the present-day value and satisfaction each decision gave me. This while keeping in mind what value it would add to my future as I began to build the business of being me.

This process had actually started while I was still in school and preparing to enter my career. The job I had accepted was one that paid well below my projected salary expectations. There were some people in my life who were disappointed I would subject myself to such a low salary compared to my “worth,” even though worth exceeds monetary value, which others could not understand. I accepted the position with the understanding that the work I would be doing would be far more meaningful than what I would have been doing earning a higher salary elsewhere. I chose an opportunity — something I knew I would love and learn from. If I’m doing something I love and am learning from then I’m growing and expanding upon the business of being me, and sure, a higher salary will follow. Companies measure their success in revenue. I measure my success in happiness, satisfaction, and personal value.

Now entering a new mindset, I began to incorporate habits and routines into my life that I saw value in and could scale my growth. I became obsessed with health and wellness, so instead of going to bed at 1 or 2 AM, I forced myself asleep by 11:30, then 10:30, then 9:30. This progression grew into a habit that created the time and energy for me to start each day off at 5:30 in the morning and workout until 7 before heading off to work. I began to make substantial growth progress in achieving my goals, but I wasn’t there yet.

Part of growing a business is iterating and adapting. Cutting out what doesn’t work and replacing it with habits that do work. For me, it became clear that there were some things that did not work. Two pain points were causing bottlenecks in the development of being me.

First, was my commute, where I would be stuck on a train for three hours a day both ways, restricted by a schedule and delays. By shortening my days, it was inhibiting the progress I wanted to make in my career, as well as the progress I wanted to make on mental and physical developments.

Second, was the environment in which I was living. Coming home to consistent and repetitive complaining and negativity was wearing on me mentally. Sometimes we can’t help but take on influence from our environment, much like a corporation experiences tough times during a recession, and the negativity was taking a toll on me and the energy levels I wanted to contribute to the business of being me. I want to make clear that in no way is being open with your frustrations a bad thing, but with where I stood in my life and where I wanted to go I needed to make a change.

So like any good business, I took my life and pivoted. I took a risk I wasn’t sure I could monetarily afford, and I moved out. It was a tough, and slightly spontaneous decision, but a direction I needed to take my life if I wanted to swim and not sink. This is my biggest and most recent decision, and as I came closer to moving out of my home of nearly 24 years, I felt anxiety creep in. Questions of uncertainty filled my head. Was I giving up a good thing of no rent and free food? This is the last time I’m ever going to live with my parents, am I making the right decision? Will I spend enough time with them ever again? And so forth did the questions creep in, but as any good founders and entrepreneurs know you need to stand firm. Ground yourself in the facts and reasoning for making the decision in the first place. Breathe in, breathe out, and continue with new energy towards building the vision you always had.

It is through this choice and others that I have taken it upon myself to take command of my life and be the founder and entrepreneur of the vision I have. I’m just beginning to figure out the business of being me, just as my parents are still figuring out theirs. We run different companies, and that’s absolutely okay. Now almost two months into my pivot, I have freed up my time to establish consistent routines in mental, physical, and dietary health. I have built stronger relationships and would argue I now value and feel a greater appreciation for my parents that I did not have when I saw them daily. I gave myself the flexibility to work longer hours when necessary so that I could control the success of the projects I take on, and maximize the value I derive from them.

So far 2019 has been an investment, a seed round investment, into the business of being me, and it has paid off beyond my expectations. By choosing to take on the role of founder within my life I have begun deriving maximum value, achieving my goals, and heightening my happiness to be alive. Every day there are new opportunities to build towards greater and more exponential points of success. Contrary to what others believe, I am not growing up, I’m simply becoming me.

This story is published in The Business of Being Happy and Healthy, brought to you by the Startup Island community.

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