The Oxygen Mask Principle

Riya Shah & Rujuta Joshi

What Would You Do?

End the Interview, Call Your Friend

One of the greatly valued aspects of a friendship is loyalty. Loyalty can manifest in many ways, but the most fundamental form is this: being there for a friend when they need you. We choose our friends, and as such, we choose to whom we are loyal.

In this case, a friend can be seen calling multiple times and sending multiple messages. Even after informing the friend that you are in an important interview, the friend still persists in their plea, asking for your support. Therefore, it can be implied that the friend is experiencing some sort of emergency — whether physical, emotional, or mental. Taking the principle of loyalty into account, the only way to respond to this situation is the halt the interview and call your friend.

By making one small sacrifice with your interview, you are showing your friend that you care for their well-being and you value their friendship. Even in Jainism, Maitri Bhavana (reflection of friendship) is one of the four auxillary Bhavanas (reflections). This bhavana states that we must maintain friendship will all living beings in the universe and do no harm via thoughts, deeds, or actions. A strong friendship is built upon care, respect, and forgiveness.

The best way to handle this situation is to inform your interviewer that you need to step away for a moment to answer an important call. More often than not, the interviewer themself will understand the gravity of the situation and may even help you reschedule the interview if your friend is in dire need.

At the end of the day, you won’t remember one interview, but you will remember being there for your friend and helping them through their troubles. And, your friend will remember it too.

Finish Interview, Call Friend After

Before you perform CPR on someone, every professional will tell you to observe the scene. If there is anything that could pose as a threat to the rescuer, they should not approach the victim. Instead, call 911 and wait for help to arrive. Isn’t this counterintuitive? Here’s why: no one wants two victims.

Airplanes apply this same logic during their safety briefings. We’ve all heard the words, “Secure your own oxygen mask first before helping others.”

Although these examples are vast simplifications of the dilemma at hand, the core principle is easily applicable. Even though a friend is in need, you need to be in the right mental and physical capacity to help them. The best way to handle this situation would be to send your friend a message telling them that you will call them immediately once the interview is over.

Boundaries need to be drawn to ensure that you are protecting yourself and your own health before helping others. If instead, you end the interview and call your friend, your friend will realize that they can call at any time and you will answer. Not long after, they might start calling you in the middle of the day, while you’re at work or in class. Or, they might start calling you in the middle of the night, right before a big exam. This positive reinforcement can lead to a slippery slope, and before you know it, all semblance of a boundary has been wiped away.

Moreover, Jainism believes that our bodies are transient — locked in the cycle of birth and death. Samsara Bhavana states that all of our relationships are temporary — family, friends, enemies — and we are the ones who are in charge of establishing and maintaining these relationships. Therefore, we must take a step back and evaluate how we want our friendships to endure. Setting up boundaries does not mean that you are closing yourself off from your friend; it is simply a mechanism to protect yourself and your own well-being so that you are able to help your friend in the best way possible.

Discussion

Jainism teaches us compassion, empathy, and how to be a friend to all living beings. Service and selflessness are actions that beget Punya, or good karma. At the same time, Jain theory is focused on the betterment of one’s own soul, and at the end of the day, the karmic particles we attract are our own. One of the pinnacles of Jain theory is also non-attachment or Aparigraha, which includes avoiding internal attachments like love, hatred, and even friendship. Where should we draw the line between the two seemingly disparate ideas? How do we serve others, but also focus on our own spiritual journeys? How can we be compassionate, but unattached?

In Jainism, there is a concept known as Upayog. In the Tattvartha Sutra, Upayog is defined as “manifestations of soul” or the thoughts, words, and actions that we partake in that shape the nature of the soul. In theory, every manifestation we partake in should be for the betterment of our soul. When we channel Upayog in helping a friend in need, it’s important to first take a step back and understand how capable we are to help that person. This is not selfish — in fact, it is a state of self-awareness. By knowing where our current energy and presence is needed, and what our mental capacity to help that friend is, we are actually enabling ourselves to demonstrate higher compassion and empathy. We are able to mentally and physically create the space needed to understand what the friend needs. On the other hand, dropping everything to help a friend in the name of compassion can be a maldemonstration of Upayog, as not having a grasp on our own soul can actually cause us to be distracted, unpresent and creates a lack of space to fully act in a productive manner when helping that friend. Not fully understanding our own selves deeply when being selfless is what can cause unhealthy attachment and possessiveness.

How can we be sure that we’re understanding our own selves before helping others? This situation may be a one-off instance with a friend, but there are many times in our lives where we may ponder placing others before ourselves, or placing ourselves before others. In these situations, think about your Upayog — are you able to create the time and space necessary to respect, listen, and empathize with yourself or someone in need? This is a highly introspective and intuitive question to consider, and thinking about The Oxygen Mask principle in a Jain context can help us be more intentional with our man (thoughts), vacchan (words) and kaya (actions) in our day to day lives.