The Ball is Coming — Your 5 minute dose of Bad News from Last Week

But there really is, Harambe. There really is.

Ugh, this week/YEAR. Man — I’m f*cking telling you it’s been hell. Unless, of course you’re one of those BDSM people who gets off on pain. I don’t know how you do it, but Kleenex’s stock price must be sky high because of you folk this year. I should invest… Hats off to ya!

But before I try to drink until I forget anything and everything, let’s do a recap of some shitty events from this week. Oh boy…

These events are in no particular order.


1- Former NFL RB Joe McKnight Shot Dead in road rage incident

I think I had McKnight on one of my fantasy teams a few years ago. Fast like lightning and gave me a few points with a couple of TD’s here and there.

But now he’s gone, all over an incident that seems too familiar. McKnight was shot dead in the middle of the street in Terrytown, Louisiana. The shooter, 54-year-old Ronald Gasser, shot McKnight while sitting in the driver’s seat of [Gasser’s] car. One witness claimed Gasser fired a shot while McKnight was trying to apologize to Gasser. After the gun was discharged, Gasser got out of his car and stood over McKnight’s body and said “I told you not to f*ck with me” and fired again.

Jefferson Parish Sheriff Newell Normand (now that’s a name) has asked the public to put their jump to conclusions mats away. He said there is nothing to worry about and went into detail on how the “stand your ground” law is on the horizon for this incident.

In fact, he was so sure there was nothing to worry about police have actually let Gasser go. That’s right. A white guy who fired multiple shots in the middle of a busy intersection with other people around at a black man didn’t receive any charges.

Personal spin: I’d think the second shot to McKnight after Gasser got out of the car and stood over him would at least warrant some charge, but then again I’m not a cop. Not to mention, doesn’t it seem fishy to you that Normand was talking about the “Stand Your Ground” law? It’s like he’s somewhat bailing Gasser out. Granted, sure I don’t know the full details on the interview, but I would think that would be something Gasser’s lawyer would request and talk about publicly, not the sheriff.



Yep, pretty sick “innit”? See, I’m hip. According to The Intercept, Trump’s favorite social media platform is the only company rejecting his ‘plea for help’ for rounding up Muslim-Americans.

The article states that shortly after the election, the Intercept contacted 9 Internet firms in the United States including Facebook, Booz Allen Hamilton, IBM, Google, Apple, SRA Global, CGI, Microsoft, but only Twitter said they would not help President-Elect Trump on his GTFO list.

In fact, one of the companies that said they would consider helping PE-DT. IBM wished DT a congratulations the day after the election and said IBM would be happy to help him “anyway possible”. One of the biggest tech conglomerates helping our new orange dildo of a president blacklist Muslims on the inter web is a pretty scary thought.

Not to mention — unlike some of the others, IBM isn’t just an Internet entity. IBM makes computers, software, cameras, surveillance equipment, security equipment. This paints a much more realistic image for us to imagine on how this agenda is achievable.

Personal spin: I remember reading Anne Frank in my youth and thinking about how crazy that must have been. My dad served in WWII and saw firsthand how the Germans treated Hebrew/LGBT/Gypsy/POW/pick a minority prisoners. I think he’d be rolling in his grave if alive today. (RIP Dad) But if something to that nature ever happens, know you have a place to stay.

3- Harambe’s dead

Personal spin: It’s a day-to-day struggle.

4- General Tso Died

Okay, so not the real General Tso (Zuo Zongtang) from the Qing Dynasty reppin’ that mighty powerful Chinese military. He passed away ages ago back in 1885 from natural causes.

But Chef Peng Chang-kuei, the proud inventor of the best Chinese dish, passed away at the young age of 98-years-old. He died due to complications with pneumonia.

Chang-keui invented the delicious dish in 1954 while in Taiwan. He quickly fixed the stir-fry together for U.S. Navy Admiral Arthur W. Radford and, on when asked the name of the dish, he quickly responded “General Tso Chicken”. When asked why he picked that name, Chang-keui said he wanted to honor the great general who was from his home province Hunan.

Later in the 1970’s Chang-keui came to the US and opened a restaurant in New York City. The restaurant was a success and hosted many prominent people. Henry Kissinger was a well known patron there, proving that good and evil might be able to sit at the same table, just as long as some General Tso is served.

Personal spin: Chang-kuei leaves behind a legacy of one of my favorite dishes anyone could ask for. Mix Tso dish with some hot chili sriracha on the side — you know what? I think I’m going have to venture to Villa Square tonight and get some.

the casual holster.

5- Sunrise City to Recount 2016 Voting Results

Great, another freaking recount. Thanks Jill. Not Stein (you go JS!), but Jill Daniels — local “baker” from Bloomfield (trust me she’d let you know) who has filed an official petition to recount all ballots on Sunrise City’s pie baking contest.

You know what, Jill? My cousin Leo Gulliver won that fair and square. You don’t need to recount the votes, there was no collusion. No one’s in cahoots. You lost. Get over it. F*ck. You threw a fit after Leo was crowned with the traditional pie-to-face and took the $50 gift card to Los Tacos Locos. You demanded a recount, didn’t get one. So, you took it all the way to city council and now you might get one. Way to go, go waste some unlucky person’s Sunday by making them count 14 votes all over again.

Personal spin: He likes tacos, so do I. I’m going to order a margarita in your honor tomorrow when we get lunch. #Yolo.