Two’s company, three’s … I’m out
You hear your phone ring or see an acquaintance approach you. Your heart starts racing, you feel flushed, you start sweating, you look for an out, you want to escape the situation any way you can….This is a normal day for me living with social anxiety.
I have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. It took me years and some gentle nudging by my highly empathetic younger sister to realize this was a mental health issue and not something ‘wrong’ with me. If this is something you have experienced, you know how difficult it is to thrive in your career and personal life when you are constantly battling the demons of anxiety in your own mind.
The good news is you are not alone. I have learned through years of therapy that this is something you can manage and thrive in a world where extroversion is equated to being a good person. If this is a challenge you deal with too here are some suggestions.
A lot of my social anxiety stems from my misinterpretation of how people will react to something I say. By pretending to be confident while speaking, I am able to overcome the voice in my head that tries to tell me that I am not capable of saying something ‘impressive’.
Firstly, fake it till you make it. It sounds hokey but this has helped me get through public speaking, work meetings, interviews, etc. A lot of my social anxiety stems from my misinterpretation of how people will react to something I say. By pretending to be confident while speaking, I am able to overcome the voice in my head that tries to tell me that I am not capable of saying something ‘impressive’. Affirmations help! Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you are smart and worthy, and your self-worth is not dependent on what people think of you! Identify your problem areas and create affirmations that resonate with you!
Secondly, pay attention to your threshold. I know now that large crowds make me uncomfortable or meeting a new person takes a lot out of me. There are some situations I can avoid such as going to loud crowded areas especially when I am tired and more susceptible to stimulation. If I start to cross my stimulation threshold I usually retreat. In certain cases, this is not possible, for instance, work situations. In these cases, I make sure that I keep time to myself at the end of the day to recover from the energy crash that results from these social interactions or take short breaks between the day where I take a quick walk alone. Self-care is a huge aspect of this, and this can look different for everyone. Some things that work for me include spending time with my cats, crafting, reading, yoga…basically find something that helps you quiet your mind so you can recoup and reenergize by going within yourself.
Therapy has always had a negative connotation for me growing up. In Indian culture, we often put down therapy because ‘log kya kahenge’ (Translation: How will society react)?
This brings me to my third and final suggestion — therapy! Therapy has always had a negative connotation for me growing up. In Indian culture, we often put down therapy because ‘log kya kahenge’ (Translation: How will society react)? I speak from firsthand experience when I say talk therapy has helped me identify the sources of my social anxiety and also come up with methods to manage it. It sometimes takes going through a few therapists to find a therapist you click with.
You are your biggest cheerleader. You are worthy! Keep reminding yourself you are worthy, and you are loved!
Bottom-line, do not give up! If you suffer from social anxiety, life can feel very difficult and overwhelming, but you are not alone. There are ways of managing it and still living a fulfilling life. Find a therapist! No matter what society says…reach out to a therapist whether it’s an online forum or in person. You are your biggest cheerleader. You are worthy! Keep reminding yourself you are worthy, and you are loved!
