Give It Up For Number One
With three No. 1 overall picks in four years, there’s only one thing left for the Cavs to do: sign the rest of them
By Joe Flynn
We have been privileged this spring to once again watch a dynasty in action, a team that somehow finds a way, time and again, to rise above chaos and uncertainty and stave off highly motivated opponents.
I’m referring, of course, to the Cleveland Cavaliers and the NBA draft lottery.

If this franchise could work their magic with a basketball the way they do with the ping-pong balls, they’d make the ‘90s Bulls look like a collection of pick-up game scrubs. This year, the Cavs had just a 1.7 percent chance to claim the No. 1 overall pick, but couldn’t be stopped, notching their second top pick in a row, third in four years, and fourth since 2003. According to USA Today, the odds of the Cavs winning those four lotteries in 12 years was just over 1-in-10,000. Who said Cleveland was unlucky in sports?
Drafting in the NBA lottery year after year is like playing a game of Incompetence Jenga — no matter how much your front office fails in other areas, they can swap out those old, useless players and stack highly rated ones until finally the whole thing collapses under the weight of all that talent and you’re no longer in the lottery.
That’s what happened to Cleveland during the LeBron James era — seriously, take a look at the Cavs’ 2007 Finals team — but since LeBron decisioned his way to Miami, the franchise has somehow managed to stay in the lottery despite making four top-five picks (Kyrie Irving, Tristan Thompson, Dion Waiters, Anthony Bennett) and playing in a terrible Eastern Conference.
Keeping this team out of the playoffs this past season was an absolute work of art. Bennett put together the worst rookie season of any No. 1 pick in NBA history. Meanwhile, guards Irving and Waiters simply could not play together. Cleveland was outscored by 3.6 points per 48 minutes with both of them on the court, and rumors of behind-the-scenes friction ran rampant.
The next logical question is “Can they do it again?” but that’s selling this franchise short. Of course they can. Cleveland’s lottery-pick dynasty has already morphed into such a surreal masterpiece, the only way they can continue to amaze is by drastically upping the stakes.
Therefore, I am issuing a challenge to the Cavs’ front office: How many No. 1 overall picks can you stuff onto this roster, while still leaving the franchise in position to win next year’s lottery? Here’s a roadmap (not that Dan Gilbert and Co. need any help):
1. Trade Anderson Varejao and Alonzo Gee for Andrea Bargnani (No. 1 — 2006) and Kenyon Martin (No. 1 — 2000)
This will be a tough one for Cavs fans to stomach, as Varejao is the only holdover left from the squad that made the 2007 Finals, but you need Andrea Bargnani if you want to finish in the lottery.
The big Italian is as destructive a roster force as there is in the league. He has finished with a positive on/off rating just once in six seasons — 2011-12, when he played a career-low 31 games. He’s a “stretch 4" who doesn’t stretch the floor (shooting 31.5 percent from beyond the arc over his last four seasons), is one of the worst rebounding seven-footers in NBA history, and is a horrible team defender.
The Knicks had the league’s third-ranked offense in 2012-13. That rank dropped to 19th in the 42 games in which Bargnani played in 2013-14, but was fourth in the 40 games after he was lost for the year with an elbow injury. Imagine what he could do to Cleveland’s 22nd-ranked offense!
Martin will have to be a sign-and-trade, as his contract with the Knicks has expired. He was injured for much of the 2013-14 season, but has expressed interest in returning. He’s merely a throw-in for this deal, with Bargnani being the real prize.
2. Sign free agents Greg Oden (No. 1 — 2007) and Elton Brand (No. 1 — 1999)
This should be relatively straightforward, as both will be free agents in the offseason and the Cavs have plenty of cap room. Brand has already said he plans to come back for his 16th season, and Oden is currently busy riding the bench for the Miami Heat (five total minutes played so far in the postseason.
Brand brings veteran leadership off the bench, but he averaged the lowest minutes per game (19.4) and PER (14.0) of his career. As for Oden, he is still young, but only played 212 total minutes this season. Why not join a frontcourt of No. 1's Bargnani and Bennett? It might be the first time in history a center who missed three full seasons to myriad leg injuries and had one leg shorter than the other is, by far, his team’s fastest big man.
3. Draft Dante Exum

The three consensus best players in the upcoming draft are Joel Embiid, Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker. As they showed last season with the Bennett selection, however, the Cavs are not afraid not think outside the box in order to keep themselves in the lottery. Why go after those frontcourt players when you’ve already got studs like Bennett and Bargnani?
Instead, they can shore up their backcourt by drafting Australian combo guard Exum. When combined with Irving and Cleveland’s stable of No. 1 bigs, this will allow to Cavs to field an all-first-overall-pick starting five.
How can you lose a hand with five aces?
4. Hire Doug Collins (No. 1 — 1973) to track down Kwame Brown (No. 1 — 2001)
Before he was a coach, Collins was a highly-touted player for the 76ers. That may explain his affinity for fellow No. 1 Kwame Brown, whom he coached for his first two seasons in Washington and brought back for Collins’ final season in Philadelphia in 2012-13. If hired in some front office capacity, Collins would probably find a way to reunite with his protege.
Brown didn’t play in the NBA last season, but he’s still only 31. The idea of him breaking down Anthony Bennett in practice and making him cry — the way Michael Jordan did to him in Washington — might be too good for Brown to pass up. It’s the circle of life!
5. Hire Patrick Ewing (No. 1 — 1985) as head coach
The Cavs have been linked to Clippers assistant coach Tyronn Lue (who has a bit of history with No. 1 picks) and former coach Vinny del Negro (because … why?).
But this magnificent experiment needs a man who understands the mind of the No. 1 pick. And who better to mold this crew than the Godfather of lottery picks, current Charlotte Hornets assistant coach Patrick Ewing?
So here is the final roster:
PG — Irving
SG — Exum
SF — Bennett
PF — Bargnani
C — Oden/Brand/Martin (whoever is healthy)
Bench: Brown, Jarrett Jack, Dion Waiters, Tristan Thompson, Sergei Karasev, Tyler Zeller.
Is that team bad enough to make the 2015 lottery? Certainly. Every one of those players is a first-round pick, and only three (Jack, Karasev and Zeller) were selected outside of the top four. Yet, it is thoroughly mediocre. They could finish in the playoffs, of course — the East is just that bad — but somehow I trust this franchise to flame out once again. And wind up with another No. 1 overall pick for their troubles.
I say go for it, Cleveland. In all honestly, your endless cycle of mismanagement and good fortune have become a bit boring. If you’re going to fail, why not be No. 1?
@ChinaJoeFlynn is a writer and a recovering ex-pat English teacher. His work has been featured in SB Nation, Bleacher Report and The Classical.