WWE’s second biggest event of the year next to WrestleMania is SummerSlam, which takes place this Sunday in L.A. at the Staples Center.

As I’m sure you’re well aware by now, living legend Hulk Hogan returned to the company last February, again, to serve mostly as a WWE spokesman for major events, since he now basically has the mobility of Drew Bledsoe trapped in a giant jello mold.

Today’s promotional round found its way to Bristol and ESPN’s SportsNation, where the Hulkster and Michelle Beadle — a team player always up for a memorable promo — went full nWo in the name of Johnny Manziel over Brian Hoyer.

I can’t decide whether Beadle is channeling a rebellious Gillberg gone rogue or an emaciated version of The Disciple.

Wait, Manziel “snorts lightning & craps thunder”? Incredible improv (slip-up?) by Hogan here, especially given recent events.

Sadly, those jarring words might encourage Chris Mortensen to get official confirmation from Browns camp that Johnny Manziel does not in fact snort lightning on his downtime.

Seriously, that’s not too far-fetched. We are already at the point where Manziel making “bed check” — BED CHECK! — is something of significance.

The idea of the Browns handling the matter in-house by confirming to ESPN that young Johnny made it to bed on time with Teddy Ruxpin in hand is already too much to handle. Having a source confirm what’s he crapping and the level of satisfaction of said crap? That would be some next-level stuff.