Life is getting better, and I’m not ready for it

This year’s numerous struggles left me unprepared for a better life ahead

chel writes
the Challenged

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Photo by Federico Fioravanti on Unsplash

I’ve faced a multitude of struggles this year — mentally, financially, and physically, quite literally.

I’m grateful for my stable job, but oh, it can be a headache sometimes. Especially dealing with a recent issue in the company causing substantial losses. Working tirelessly with my team to fix it marks the beginning of this year’s challenges.

I started therapy and seeing a doctor due to the situation. The company’s financial loss affected my paycheck, forcing extreme budgeting. I even often eat once every one or two days to save money. I’m also too tired for exercise and it only worsens my physical health over months.

That was months ago. Life’s improved — I’ve received the long-awaited paychecks, feeling mentally, physically, and financially healthier. I started to feel excited about new opportunities that might open a new, positive chapter in my life.

But somehow, I also feel unprepared, or perhaps unworthy, to face it. After months of struggling and praying to be free from it all, now that I’ve overcome those challenges and am about to start anew, I feel a strange discomfort. Could it be that I’ve grown accustomed to my struggles and find comfort in them?

The new year’s approaching, but I’m lacking the usual excitement. Maybe I’ve grown attached to my past life, or perhaps I feel undeserving of good things after being so accustomed to struggles.

Is this normal? Or should I keep seeing my therapist? :D

Anyway, life moves forward, doesn’t it? I’m proud I survived my struggles till now. I’ll just stay present for whatever God sends my way.

Ready or not, I must face it.

In response to Lynn L. Alexander’s December prompt #13: What have you struggled with this year and how did you handle it?

Thank you for journeying your time through these words. If you’d like to show support, you can leave a tip below (next to the subscribe button) or you can buy me a coffee here. Wishing you safety and warmth!

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chel writes
the Challenged

write articles and personal thoughts. publish drafts regularly. sometimes in english or indonesian :)