The Path of a Man
Men and women are wired differently in a relationship. With men, it’s pretty straightforward. If we like what we see, we don’t care that much about personality because we are more visual and as long as she is attractive — we’re in. Plus, most men suck with women, so once they find a girlfriend, they tend to hold on to her because they think it will take them a long time to find another one (they are probably right). Of course, not every man is like that, but most are. Women though, look at it differently.
As men mostly look at physical beauty, women actually care more about your personality than looks. Shocking! Isn’t it? The classic story that has been going on forever: Do looks matter? I’ll definitely write more on that topic, but for now, I’ll just keep it short:
Yes, they do. Or let me rephrase that. They HELP. You can, however, get a girl way out of your league even if you are not a handsome guy by showing enough of the attractive features (which will all be covered soon). Women look at your behavioral cues, those subtle things to see if they would bang you or not. They are wired to be attracted to guys who show attractive traits. A girl might tell you that it isn’t true, but bring her around an ugly guy who is considered “alpha” and is high status and she will be all over him. I myself am not a handsome guy. Far from it. But I hooked up with girls that would at first glance be way out of my league. It took me years to figure out that personality is more important for girls. Did you ever see an ugly dude date an incredibly hot woman? You did, didn’t you? Well, that ugly dude has a lot of manly attractive traits that attracted her to him. Guys are lucky in some ways. Even if they are not visually attractive, if they work on their confidence they can become more attractive and get hotter girls. Girls, however, are not that lucky, but since most guys suck with women and don’t know that you can actually learn this stuff, they just marry the first girl they find. Just how girls view the dynamics of attraction differently, they also view relationships in different ways.
If you showed a lot of attractive features when you first met your girlfriend she would, of course, be attracted to you and probably go out with you. Six months passed and you realized how much you love her and love being with her. You start to let go a little bit. “I can skip a day in the gym, I want to be with her today.” It sounds fun, but girls notice that. And they don’t like it. Let me explain:
As guys, we have unlimited sperm and we can make as many kids as we want, with as many women as we want. We can literally roam the world and impregnate any woman that we find. Women, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury so they have to carefully choose and screen with whom they will mate and who gets to be their partner for life. They want their children to have a father who will be capable of protecting them and also give their offsprings the best possible genetics so that they can survive in the world on their own as well. They have a limited amount of eggs and those eggs run out during their lifetime, so they are screening very hard.
That’s when the tests occur. From the moment that you meet her. Subtle tests to see if you are the man that she will want to be with, and once you’re in a relationship, these tests are there to see if you are still the same man that you were when she met you. She wants you to be a mountain. She wants you to be strong, not to be swayed easily by her words or actions, because that’s a weak trait. If you just met a girl and you acted really confident and even a bit arrogant, you’re most likely to get tests at the because she wants to see if you really are that attractive guy or you’re full of shit. So she will throw some stuff here and there to spice it up. “You have an ugly shirt.” — It is a shit test, my friend. Your response to it will dictate her attraction levels and the rest of the conversation. You can be butthurt and start being defensive — and fail miserably. Or, you can say something like “Thanks, I’m glad you like it.” And continue on. There will definitely be a blog about tests, right now it’s important to know that you should never be reactive. Act aloof. Misinterpretation works great when dealing with shit tests like in the example I just gave you above. Agree and amplify is also great. “Oh yeah, I agree. It’s really ugly, blood is coming out of my eyes just by looking at it.”
And in the relationship, when she says: “Baby don’t go with your buddies, stay with me, let’s watch TV.” She will tell you a lot of things like that and you may think that she actually wants those things and it benefits you to listen, but internally, she hopes to God that you don’t listen to her and she hopes with all of her heart that you do go and hang out with your friends. Inscribe these words in your head: SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO LISTEN.
I’m a huge football (soccer) fan and most tests came directly from that side. I would watch a game and get a test: “Spend time with me, who cares about the game.” My response was: “I’m all yours… after these 90 minutes ;).” It doesn’t mean that you suddenly become an asshole. It just means that you have hobbies that you love doing and you will continue doing them no matter what. You will make sweet love to her after that important job assignment or after the gym session. The moment you stop doing what you love and steer off your path as a man, she will lose attraction and then it’s an uphill battle to return that attraction. Keep your woman happy and good things will happen to you too. It is proven that men who are in happy and stable relationships are also happier in life and make more money.
Here are two scenarios for you:
We have two guys. Let’s say that both of them have the most important meeting of their lives in two hours which could earn them millions of dollars.
One is in a happy relationship and his girlfriend decides to have sex with him and give him a massage before the meeting, showering him with compliments at the same time.
The second guy is in a relationship with a girl who craves drama and he ends up in a huge fight with her, in which she belittles him and threatens to leave him.
Which guy do you think is more likely to slay the meeting and end up with millions of dollars? Do you see how important it is to choose the right life partner?
People love testing your boundaries to see what they can and can’t do. It’s in our nature. The game of hierarchy. Everyone will do it: Your boss, your coworkers, your friends, but especially your partner. At some point, it will be up to you to hold your frame and set up a boundary, because a woman will test it to see if you are a putz. I never blame women for that, in fact, I am a firm believer that women have it harder. Most men absolutely suck with women and they don’t know the basic things! Would you want to stay with a partner like that?
Tests will always happen. A month into the relationship, 2 years into it, 45 years into it. It’s their way of keeping us on top of our game, and it’s brilliant! A good woman can make you a better man in no time, but it is your job to stay on top of that game and always be on your path — make more money, be her mountain, protect her.
There will also be jealousy tests. “He is so cute.”
After she tells you that or makes a comment of the same caliber, look into her eyes. She will, in most cases, be staring directly at you to see how you react. The correct answer is not to be jealous. Seriously, jealousy is the worst thing in the world. If you’re insecure, possessive, it will only show her that you have zero confidence in yourself. Why would you be jealous of another guy? Are you not secure in who you are? You don’t think you’re good enough for her? Well if you don’t, then that guy will definitely be the one she will want to be with. Jealousy is, unfortunately, something that you can’t actively control, it’s stronger than you and hits your emotions. You can work on it though. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and it is a big attraction killer. You think you lack something that the other person has and you’re jealous of that. With professional help and individual work, you can solve that.
As I’ve said, the point is to be the man who she knows she can always lean on, not someone who loses his temper at the slightest thing and acts like a child. Be a man that nothing can sway. Control your emotions, there are countless books and guides on that. I recommend the book called “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman. It helped me immensely. And of course, two best books ever when it comes to relationships:
“The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida and
“Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” by John Gray.
These books are all that you need, you will be a new man after reading them.
And remember, never go off your path because of anyone. Work, try to become a better man every day, make more money, do what you love and only change for the better. That is the reason she fell in love with you; that guy who was amazing. Become better than that and both of you will be happy.
