Zen: A Holiday Survival Guide
’Twas the night before Christmas and tensions were high.
The adults were fighting and the children all cried!
The gifts were all wrong and the bank accounts bare –
Oh, the holidays make me pull out my hair!
The holidays are just around the corner and so are the seemingly inevitable meltdowns. From holiday traveling, gift-giving and family festivities, it’s no surprise that the final months of the year can prove to be the hardest. Stores usher us faster and faster towards Christmas with displays changing rapid-fire from Thanksgiving to Halloween, Christmas, and finally, New Year’s Eve. But, this year, don’t let the stress of the season get the better of you. Enjoy some quality, conflict-free family time with my tried-and-tested, sanity-saving holiday tips.
Go with the flow
Holidays are synonymous with family, and no family gets along all the time. Put any group of people — related or not — in close quarters with high expectations, and there will be inevitable conflicts. The most important lesson I learned when planning family gatherings is to lower my expectations. Avoid planning too much for too many people and instead, let the days take you wherever they will.
Inhale, exhale, and repeat!
Feel overwhelmed by the lack of control? Then remember to breathe — long inhales and exhales calm your central nervous system. Need more than a couple of breaths? Take a walk or a jog outside. The physical activity will occupy your body and allow your mind to calm down and separate fact from feeling. Try hard not to react in the heat of the moment, as words can linger longer than you intend and the last thing you’d want to do during the holidays is damage a relationship with a loved one. While you’re cooling off, try viewing the conflict as a movie playing out in front of you and ask yourself what advice the audience would give to you.
Listen up
Someone once told me, “there is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.”
It was unfortunately during an argument, but it’s stuck with me. Listen with the intent to understand, rather than just planning your own response. Try being an active listener, even if the topic is something you disagree on. Leaning in and asking questions will signal to the person that you’re trying to understand their point of view, even if you may not share it. And sometimes, listening is all you need to do to resolve a conflict.
Self-care is key!
Before the holidays, I also like to boost my patience by going for regular floats and meditation sessions before the big days. I book at least an hour-long appointment at FloatLife, which offers both the conventional float pods and float rooms, to allow my mind to wander and gradually calm itself in approximately 11 inches of Epsom salt-filled water. I confess, I’m a little claustrophobic, and when I pictured climbing into a tiny pod and closing the lid, I felt that meditation would be the last thing on my mind.
But when l leave float therapy, my mind is calmer and clearer and afterward, for the next several days, I’m able to be more productive without getting overwhelmed by impending tasks. Perhaps during this holiday season, book yourself a 60-minute session once a week leading up to Christmas to help you recharge your empathy batteries.
Embrace alone time — no matter how brief
There are so many meditation apps out there, from Headspace to Calm, but they all have one lesson in common: take a quiet moment to yourself. When I have guests around, or when I’m a guest myself, I try to make it a point to allow the host and myself a moment alone. Schedule slots of time where there are no plans so everyone can do their own thing.
Keep it simple
During the holidays the small stuff is just that: the small stuff. There’s a reason they say “the devil’s in the detail,” because the details will sometimes drive you crazy — especially during the holidays. If you find yourself overwhelmed, ask for help or delegate tasks to different family members. Make Christmas dinner a potluck where each family brings their favorite side while you take care of the turkey. Opt to give families one gift instead of a gift for each person.
Embrace it
Every year there are bigger sales, more money to be spent and more stress to be had, but ultimately, the holidays are meant to be spent making memories with your families. We forget that time hurries us along, so, this year, pause and cherish those around you. Chances are that fancy Lego toy will be forgotten by the new year, but the laughs that you shared over dinner will last forever.
Now take a deep breath and have a wonderful Holiday season!
