Americans Stop Pretending to Care about Swimming

UNITED STATES — With only one event left at the 2016 Rio Olympics, Americans across the nation have stopped maintaining the facade that they care about the sport of swimming. The facade, which happens once every four years, creates significant boosts to swimming programs and creates excitement for a sport that is as predictable as Nascar.

We spoke to some Americans under the influence about their views of swimming during and then following the conclusion of the swimming portion of the Olympics:

Robert Baum:


“Swimming is so difficult! Michael Phelps is the GOAT! And did you hear of Lochte getting robbed? Crazy! Ledecky is amazing as well, damn she is the representation of America!”


“God swimming is boring. Parents need to have their kids pick up a football, not put on a speedo.”

Nicolas Phillips:


“I’m so excited to see Phelps win again tonight!”


“Swimming is ok…? I don’t know, I’ll tune in again in four years. No point in keeping up with it after the Olympics.”

Marian Jones:




“Swimming is so stupid.”

Jackson Dyehard is a reporter for The Chicago Globe. If you have a tip you can reach him either be emailing him at or by contacting him on Twitter.

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