Earth Fondly Remembers When it Wasn’t Abused

WORLD — Following her fever steadily increasing, the Earth reminisced today about when it wasn’t abused by people. The people, who she claims have been force feeding her with carbon dioxide for “a significant amount of time”, apparently don’t respect her health and her generosity she gave them over the years. We spoke to Earth about the relationship with the global populace:

“At first I could deal with the abuse but I’m really starting to suffer now. I mean, do you honestly think I am going to be able to put up with this crap for much longer? Things are going to start to be different and difficult for them if they don’t change; I’m not going to put up with this shit anymore.”

The global populace said it understand what it was doing but that it wasn’t going to stop. The Earth also wishes to remind people that it can and will make life difficult for everyone eventually.

Jackson Dyehard is a reporter for The Chicago Globe. If you have a tip you can reach him either be emailing him at or by contacting him on Twitter.

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