Who am I? What am I here for?
College Applications, Global Pandemic, and more…
What is your long-term goal in life? Please describe how your background, special interests, and experiences contribute to the diversity of the entering class. What are you most passionate about?
Answering the questions on my graduate admission application, and trying to connect it with my dozen varied work experiences and interests, left me to look in the mirror and wonder “Who am I?”, “What is it that I truly want?”, “What is my purpose?”. Defining myself as a collective or in broad categories such as my major, work experiences and ethnicity was easy. However, filling in my applications made me realize the flaws in these broad definitions, and left me wondering where I fit in. It also made me appreciate the incredible process of how our identity develops in stages starting in early childhood and how this complex concept is shaped by the society we grow up in, trauma, loss, achievements, ethnicity, education, and more.
The inescapable upheaval this year, the COVID-19 pandemic has led many to reflect upon their identity[1]. It could be due to the increasing amount of time we now spend in solitude, or the myriad of Average Joes on social media who’ve found their passion in cooking or art, that leaves us thinking about what is it that gets us out of bed every morning. Some have even made bygone attempts at reinventing themselves, or at least finding a hobby, but were left with a technicolor dump on a canvas, or a house smelling of burnt cake. Be it due to a healthier lifestyle switch, or not having to dress up and fit into societal norms, several others are not sure they want their old identity back at all. Clearly, so many of us, particularly the youth, are reassessing our identities during the pandemic, but why exactly is this happening?
Google describes an Identity Crisis as “a feeling of being uncertain about who or what you are”. In olden times, the answer to this was rigidly determined- your professional roles were determined by who you were born to and gender roles were black and white. The increase in awareness through globalization made us more aware of our self-image. Particularly in times of the pandemic, newly unemployed individuals who considered themselves successful based on set notions of society might now feel that they lack a valuable dimension of their identity. People are cut-off from their usual reward/validation system that gave them a sense of doing well or achieving. The way we defined ourselves by our groups and peers is making us feel lost in a time when we no longer meet others. We went to the same churches, soccer games, and social clubs, and associated our identity with what we do rather than who we truly are. While life events such as having a baby, sending a child off to college, loss of a loved one, or moving to a new country caused most people, at one time or the other, to think about these questions, never has it happened on such a mass level at the same time.
Developing a sense of identity can be tricky, more so for those questioning their sexuality or gender, or treading on unconventional paths. It is especially challenging when who they think they are is not similar to those around them, or if they feel their true selves would not be accepted by those close to them [3]. While there has been increasing acceptance and support, and this may not be the case with all, it is unfortunately common that LGBT people struggle with developing a positive sense of identity. [3] is a brilliant article that delves deeper into this crisis and suggests a few solutions to address the challenges.
As I slowly crawl through my application, I have grown to realize that I’m not one thing. I’m learning to accept my multiple roles and view myself as an aggregate of all these roles. It has helped me see value in the whole identity as a sum, or more than the sum of these parts. While I may be feeling unstable, it has helped to recognize that I am not the only one in here, and there are always people to reach out to:)
PS: [1] has some helpful tips on how to retain a sense of self in these pressing times.
References:
- https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/lockdown-identity-crisis-feeling-not-myself-without-friends-family-life-work-psycholog/382824
- https://www.nhmagazine.com/how-to-cope-with-an-identity-crisis/
- https://www.scmp.com/better-life/well-being/article/3027604/if-youre-lgbtq-self-acceptance-can-be-especially-hard-there
