At The Intersection of Expectations & Standards — Part 1: Differences

I often have people come to me huffing and puffing, frustrated, lost and panic-stricken, “I can’t stand that person! He/She is just…”. They then proceed to start describing what the person should have done or shouldn’t have done.

My usual reply to them is, “How often do they do this?”

And the answer is often, “Always.”

“So why do you expect more out of the person when they keep doing the same thing?”, I ask.

“Because I refuse to lower my standards for another person.”

The above scenario is how it plays out for the majority of people I meet when they describe themselves to be “lowering expectations”. The more they try to change their perspective, the harder it is to let go of it. It is only when I explain to them how it plays out emotionally and psychologically that people start to untangle the knot and feel relief.

This typically marks the start of discourse for that person to discover the difference between standards and expectation for themselves.

When there is no differentiation between standards and expectations, people often end up dropping standards only to raise expectations during situations similar to the example above. This mental shift results in more anxiety…