Love in the Time of Corona
How do we date in a time of social isolation?
After flying back from the Grand Canyon to New York, I’m faced with an obligatory self-isolation for the next two weeks along with so many others. No friends, no family, no dating.
I’ll be honest, I’m relieved about that last one. But as a single woman in her mid-thirties living in New York, society tells me I’m running out of time. I can’t afford to take a long break from dating during this pandemic. I’ve got future baby-daddies to find and, based on my experience with dating apps over the last 10 years, if we can’t meet up in person then no one will bother.
When was the last time you wooed another person?
But is that right? We’re entering into a global crisis that no one living today has ever been through; daily life as we know it is changing drastically. Dating has to change as well. Yet how will we find love when at worst we’re sitting at home by ourselves and at best we’re standing six feet away from each other?
The answer is to go back to basics, but with a twist. If we can’t go out to bars or restaurants, we’ll have to rely on technology to connect with potential new friends and mates — an advantage that those living through the Spanish Influenza didn’t have, for what it’s worth. But without the ability for things to immediately get physical, we’ll have to — gasp — get to know each other on a personal level. People will have to get back to wooing each other. When was the last time you wooed another person?
Now, we have to think to ourselves “Do I like this person enough to risk contracting a life-threatening disease by meeting them?” which creates a pretty high bar if I’ve ever heard one.
This is going to mean emails or letters like in You’ve Got Mail or Mary and Max, and phone calls à la The Truth About Cats and Dogs or Jerry Maguire. This is Love is Blind but with pictures! Texting won’t be enough, so what will we do?
Regardless of age or location, everyone I’ve ever spoken to about dating in the last 5–10 years agrees that modern dating sucks, and a lot of that is due to a shift from personal connection to instant gratification and the commoditization of humans via dating apps. In a global pandemic, we’re forced to be much more selective about whom we connect with. When I’d suggested a phone call before an in-person meeting in the time Before Corona (BC), I never heard from that person again. Now, we have to think to ourselves “Do I like this person enough to risk contracting a life-threatening disease by meeting them?” which creates a pretty high bar if I’ve ever heard one.
Be open to a world of romance that requires us to be less dismissive and more inquisitive.
Things are bleak but there is a silver lining for those of us single people if we choose to see it and act on it. Do I wish we lived in a Corona-free world? Of course. Do I think we needed something major to shift the soul-crushing dynamic that dating apps created ten years ago? Absolutely. Should we jump on this opportunity to change how dating works in the world today? One hundred percent.
So, let us not sit on our laurels and give up on dating (or maybe do that — whatever makes you happy!). If we choose to, we can use this as an opportunity to meet someone and truly connect with them. Get to know a person on a deeper level than we’ve done with dating apps previously. Be open to a world of romance that requires us to be less dismissive and more inquisitive. Set up a phone call or exchange emails with a match. I mean, what else are you going to do with all your time?
This essay is part of a series about relationships, dating, and friendship, sponsored by Chorus, the matchmaking app where friends swipe for friends.
