LABOR Day
Today is the second day I have truly labored. I started by applying for a part-time job at the local kwiky-mart. They liked me a lot. I think they will offer me the job. But you see, I don’t want it. Not really. What I want, is to go home!
Please read with an open heart.
Everyone and all living things desire to be happy and to reduce their suffering. Some way more than others. However, the most basic instinct for life is the pleasure-pain principle. It is the first program running in our DNA, designed to keep us alive! We avoid things that hurt us and seek things that make us feel good. While in a strange way, we also do the opposite. We do things to hurt ourselves and we sometimes like to wallow in our own misery because we are actually “comfortable with being uncomfortable.” And misery really does love company, so sometimes we hurt the ones we love or are mean to people we don’t even know.
Not much of this behavior is conscious, that’s the problem! We are working from the reptilian mind which is always fight or flight mode. Survive or die, that’s it! As humans, we have the ability to use reason to overcome drives which are detrimental to ourselves and society.
In my deepest heart, my Hridyah (Spiritual Heart), the thing I fear most is Hell. Don’t we all? People sometimes say what we fear, we create. And I say to them, “and if I fear what I’ve already created?” They never have an answer. I have one and want to share it with you. It isn’t stereo instructions on how to lose 10 pounds or how to make a million dollars or even how to fix a broken heart directly. It is a way of learning to notice our behaviors and begin to teach ourselves discipline! In psychology, this could be referred to as “Behavior Modification” — Dr. Mattew Margres —(my first psychology teacher coined this term at SVSU).
My idea of Hell isn’t based on mere physical torture. I have enough physical pain already and my imagination can do much worse things to hurt me. My idea of Hell is to be forced to watch those I love suffer and to be helpless to do anything to help them. I used to imagine Whiskers and Jasmine, (my Beloved kitties who both passed long ago but I still cry and miss them so much) and Dad and Mom and, really everyone, being tortured mercilessly in front of me with my eyelids cut off so I would be forced to watch. But the sight wasn’t the worst part. It was the sound of their cries!
The most irresistible sound on Earth is that of a baby crying. It is also in our DNA to ensure we take care of our children rather than abandon or hurt them when they need help. Otherwise, our species would not have survived. Babies have so many needs, they cry a lot. It’s all they can do. They are also adorable and we love them. So even though they irritate us, and not all of us are parents, not many people would abandon a crying baby. Even if it wasn’t their own.
Hearing the cries of my loved ones and being unable to do anything about it is the worst Hell I can imagine. I truly feel that all humans and all life are my babies. I don’t have children and never can have any of my own. I’m ok with that now.
“Namaste” is interpreted differently depending on who is defining it. For me, it means, “I see myself in you!” For me, I haven’t met a single person yet I couldn’t relate to in some way. Even enemies became friends while friends sometimes became enemies. I have had an atypical life filled with stories you would not believe but even I could not make up. I will tell you everything over time. For now, I want to say that in a very real way, I love everyone. Even my “Enemies!”
Enemies can be thought of as “Angels in Disguise” — Matt Khan. It is hard to imagine how the worst things that have ever happened to us could be the best things for us. Tragedy and suffering cause us to adapt to a new way of life. Missing a loved one, loss of a job, things like that. Our life has been permanently changed in a bad way and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Some people give up and commit suicide or turn to drugs or hurt themselves in other ways to deal with the pain in a easier way. Some tragedies are so bad that it would be better to torture ourselves (unconsciously) in a different way to indulge in that as a sort of “freedom” or escape from the reality of our changed life.
“Everyone suffers, to varying degrees.” — Bodhipaksa
This is true for all of us. Including me. Many people think they have it the worst. And for them, it is the worst! I’ve heard that God only gives us as much as we can handle. And in a very real way, it is true. If I didn’t have what I needed, I wouldn’t be here. So even though I don’t have all the things I want and desire, I have what I need to do my work. And work I shall!
I have had the life experiences of countless lifetimes and people. Some call this “reincarnation.” But I didn’t wanted millions of “lifetimes,” I wanted to do it all in one lifetime. To reach “Enlightenment” only having to do it once. I know this means my life must be filled with non-stop learning and improving. It has been hard, to put it lightly. But, I’m still here! I have the scars and stories to prove it!
What people want in the last stage of life is to die with dignity and integrity. I want to contribute my suffering and learning, training, practices, successes and failures with you in hopes that some of it will help anyone in any way.
Sigmund Freud defined being “mentally healthy” is the ability to love and work with joy. I love that! Love is the hardest thing for me to conquer. “Oh, why can I not conquer Love?” (Sia — Elastic Heart) In all the relationships I’ve had, we all struggle with love. Even defining what love is is hard. There are many types of love and many perspectives on it. Each unique to the individual. Just like the meaning behind Namaste.
Working has been hard my whole life if I am told what to do and when. Nobody likes that, I know. But for me, I am a free-spirit. I cannot be tamed. In order to be my best, I must be my own disciplinarian — my own boss.
I feel hopeful that I can do what it is I came here to do. To leave my workspace in a little better condition than in which I found it!
I will put all of my life experiences into helping others by writing about my successes and failures and sharing them with you. Many people have told me I helped them or I hear them say something along the lines of what I said to them previously, knowing they absorbed and benefited from my words. I do have the gift of words and writing. Please, let me share my life with you.
