Here’s to all the Fellas
This is for the fellas who were down for the grind, no matter how tough; the ones who took on the world with the weight of mountains on their shoulders only to be told that they weren’t good enough. The ones who put aside time with the boys at the drop of hat when she needed us to be there, this one’s for us. The ones who didn’t even care to sleep with her because being in her company, her presence was more than enough. The ones who never cared whether or not she had make up because in our eyes, she was the most beautiful thing in the world. We would wake up next to her and when we watched her sleeping oh, so peacefully, felt a peace come over us; one that we never knew we could feel.
Here’s to the fellas who found the capacity to sacrifice things we never thought we could, the fellas who stood by her when she fell and knelt down to pick her up because we knew she didn’t have the strength to do so herself-this one’s for them.
The ones who gave her our jackets or hoodies when it was cold and watched as she softened to the thought even she was against the idea only a moment ago. The ones who saw her as precious and not an object of pleasure, we would stay on the phone at night talking or listening till they had said all they needed to say and felt better, we would comfort them and stay on the phone till the gentle sounds of slumber which brought thin smiles to our faces could be heard. Yet even after it all, our world was shattered when she spoke the words we never thought she would have the audacity to utter, this one’s for us.
This one’s for the fellas who shed quiet tears behind closed doors in utter darkness. The ones who swore that they would never let the same hurt throb and claw at our hearts. We walked around with practiced smiles and uttered hollow laughter, we made every attempt with every fiber of our being to seem normal, to seem fine; yet the moment she stumbled back into our lives, we crumbled into her arms and hope to God that it’s for real only to have her leave our side again.
Here’s to the fellas who understand the hurt, who understand the pain. The ones who went through months of withdrawal from her presence and could finally say that the world was all as it should be once again, only to run into her and have our hearts plunge down below our stomachs. We lose our breath and the pain that we swore we would never feel again returns; only this time, it unleashes itself and the wounds that we thought had healed re-open; the scars that we thought had been formed and forgotten feel like burning ashes-here’s to us.
Here’s to the ones who would’ve moved mountains and carried the weight of the world on their shoulders because she wasn’t able to, she swore and profusely believed that she could. It wasn’t that she was weak, it wasn’t that she was incapable, it was because she didn’t understand the gravity of what it meant to do so. We took on her mountains and her weight with a smile on our faces, we did it because we didn’t mind doing so, because if we didn’t, nobody else would. Yet after it was all said and done, she left, leaving only an explanation; a half-ass explanation that not only didn’t appreciate but also undermined us. It stripped us of all our dignity and our pride. We sat there, after hearing what she had to say, in shock. Shocked that something so beautiful and, what we perceived to be, so strong could shatter and die in front of our very eyes yet have no power to do anything about it.
One day, we will stand back up, we will overcome the shadow of the day. We will find somebody that loves us for who we are, and feel as we feel and love as we love. We will be all that we should be and we will succeed because the more we live, the more we grow, the more we grow, the further we travel, after all, success is a journey, not a destination.