From the Bleachers

understanding fan mentality

I’m a football fan these days. I’m in a unique situation as a coach’s wife. My husband has taken a job at a program start up, so no football games for 2 years. It’s been weird to say the least. It’s been great to say the most.

As a wife in the stands watching my husband’s employment rest on the skillful yet youthful shoulders of 18-22 year-olds, the stress alone is enough to make you miserable. Football is supposed to be fun and joyful. Not always so for a coach’s wife. It can be elation and devastation, just depends on how those young men execute and how those plays are called.

This year, I’m not in that hot seat. I’m not literally peeing on myself in public because I held it so long and a big score caused me to start jumping — forcing me to realize, my bladder isn’t as young as it used to be. This season I’ve been to some friends’ games and sat with them, with the fans, with my coach husband. I care deeply about the outcome for my friends because I’ve been there, I’ve sat with them, I’ve seen the devastation on my husbands face after that disappointing loss. However, I don’t have the weight of the outcome on my mind for 4 hours straight. I don’t have the weight of how the mood at my house or at my husband’s office will be all week long. I can plan family activities and know my husband will keep the appointment. Yes, this is what heaven will be like, I’m sure of it. Furthermore, this is what fan-dom is like.

I don’t share this to prompt jealousy… however I would have been searching football scoop for any schools looking to start football had I known about what this was like. But, in 2 years, the honeymoon will be over and I’ll probably have another kid and a much weaker bladder and be inadvertently giving my new kid shaken baby syndrome as I jump up and down with them in my bjorn, celebrating a shut out victory!

This new experience has given me a new perspective. I understand the fan mentality even better.Those fans that aren’t connected to the program like us wives but they live and breathe that school and that football program. They are kind of like us wives with less sympathy towards the coaches and players. They freak out about the outcome and question everything and then go on about their everyday life when the time clock hits 0:00. I, too, have had the chance to go on with my life after a game is over this season. I’ve understood what it must be like to be a fan. They don’t endure the same intensity of the loss everyday until the next Saturday like the coaches and families do. However, aren’t we just like them? Complaining, questioning, and even trash talking whatever, and then moving on with our day. All humans do this. Maybe we don’t with football, but if we want to chime in on a political comment online, or go off about some entertainer’s inappropriate outfit or performance in front of a bunch of people, we do it without thinking and move on.

One really cool thing about this experience is watching games with my coach husband. It’s kind of nice getting to hear his under the breath analysis of the game as he tracks what defense is lined up and maybe, through osmosis, I’ll pick up on some of his knowledge. The best thing about having him in the stands is his shock and annoyance at the comments made by these uber-critical fans. He leaned over to me at half time last Saturday and said, “I’m about to punch the guy behind me.” Apparently the guy behind us was talking to his friend and of course questioning, with a judgy tone, every call like they all do. Luckily, he wasn’t loud or really offensive. I said, “Really? I haven’t even noticed what he was saying! Don’t worry honey, eventually you learn to tune it out.” I leaned over to our friend who’s husband was a coach for the team we came to support and told her “Now he gets to experience a game without sound canceling headphones…” She then replied, “See coach? Now you understand why your wife has been in a few fights at these games!” (I’m not shy if someone is over the top… I’ll leave it at that)

My dad says my husband is in “show business.” He’s right. It’s complete with music, drama, joy or sadness, and, of course, costumes. The goal is to entertain. Sometimes a movie comes out and the public either loves or hates the product. Journalists write reviews, good or bad, and the product is over-analyzed until another is released a week later. The results are all they care about but then once the credits roll, they drive home talk about it a little and then go on with their lives.

I don’t write this to say that coaches’ wives should put up with terrible fans and be ok with a loss. I do think it’s good to understand why they are the way they are. I’ll continue to pee on myself at games and tell people in the stands to “Climb over that wall if you think you could do a better job coaching. Otherwise shut up!” However, I will be able to discern who deserves the reality check. I’ll be able to appreciate the times my husband is home after long hours and lots of practice because I’d rather him do what he loves instead of being just an obsessive fan. I’m grateful for the chance to see both sides. I think it will make me the best fan ever.