Getting in Touch With Your Emotions

Only about one-third of adults can accurately identify their emotions. Why is that?

Having issues with emotional intelligence is not rare. According to Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (Bradberry, Greaves and Lencioni) only about one-third of adults can accurately identify their emotions. Why is that?

As a recovering member of the I-Don’t-Have-Emotions Club (and perhaps even the How-Dare-You-Suggest-I-Do Association) let’s talk.

Whether you were raised to suppress your emotions, are dealing with trauma, have a mental health condition making it harder to decipher your feelings, or simply struggle with self awareness in some areas, the sad truth is this: it’s impossible to exercise control over anything you can’t identify or understand. Whatever the reason, bottling things up could be holding you back.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

“…Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.”

What is Not Emotional Intelligence?

While true self awareness will help you become the best version of yourself, there are a few negative thought patterns that give the subject a bad name.

• Self-criticism without constructive action
• Excessive or compulsive focus on our own emotions and actions
• Dwelling on negative experiences or emotions, without learning from the experience or finding a resolution
• Assigning fixed labels to ourselves or others without exploring the complexities of emotion or the ability for someone to change
• Measuring self worth solely based on comparisons to others

Benefits of Connecting with Your Emotions:

The first step to living with a sense of purpose is gaining and refining healthy self awareness. This will help you clarify your goals, act with intention, and direct your energies to the things that are the most meaningful for you.

Better decision making: being in touch with your emotions means that you can exercise control over them, rather than the other way around. Whether it’s responding well under pressure, being there for a loved one or being the best leader you can be, the most successful people are often the most emotionally intelligent.

Better relationships: good emotional intelligence doesn’t stop within our own noggin. Whether you’re thinking about your family, a romantic relationship, or an interpersonal conflict in need of resolution, improving your self awareness will allow you to have a better understanding of- and empathy for -those around you.

Better achievement: The first step to overcoming a challenge is the ability to regulate our emotions on the subject. While your feelings are valid, there are times when you need to make an objective decision, and the ability to see, acknowledge and move past your own personal feelings is an amazing skill to have. Another amazing benefit is the ability to acknowledge and learn from a setback rather than letting it undermine self esteem.

Better health: Stress is a killer. It’s amazing how many people struggle with things they don’t even recognize as stress. If you’re having high blood pressure, headaches, low energy, etc and aren’t sure why, check in with yourself. It’s very possible that once you notice where the stress is coming from, you’ll be able to reduce it at least a little bit.

Strategies for Identifying Your Emotions:

Listen to your body. Physical sensations can reveal important clues about your emotional state.

• Does your forehead tighten? Do you find yourself getting headaches? A clenched jaw and furrowed brows could indicate anger or frustration.
• Increased heart-rate, sweating, trembling or a dizzy sensation might indicate anxiety or fear.
• On the flip side, do you find yourself relaxing your muscles, feeling lighter or more “buoyant” at times? That’s a great sign that you’re feeling more content.

These are extremely simple, rudimentary examples. Start from there, and if or when that feels too easy or unsophisticated, consider incorporating a few more strategies below.

1. Journaling: Writing, drawing, painting or any other act of creation are great ways to get in touch with ourselves. Any easy way to get into this is to spend 10 minutes journaling at the end of each day. Try to be specific about how your body felt, and what you feel like you might be going through emotionally. Soon you’ll be able to recognise patterns, and gain more confidence in your own interpretations.
2. Look deeper and meditate. Keep in mind that we don’t necessarily respond directly to an emotion, but to where our own internal guidebook leads us based on that feeling. Do you get unreasonably angry when someone is late? You’re likely responding with anger to a feeling of anxiety. Take time alone with yourself, and create a quiet place to explore your emotions where you can process through those deeper layers.
3. Talk it over. Practice putting your emotions into words, and find a trusted person to talk to about it. Even if it’s something as simple as “something happened that made me feel angry!”
4. Exercise. Exercise can be a great place for feeling out strong emotions. Whether you’re working out by yourself, with a group of friends or inviting coworkers to start a weekly group, you’ll likely find that your emotions are clearer and easier to manage after a good workout.
5. Consult a mental health professional. There’s no shame in therapy, and if you find yourself struggling to identify or process your emotions, consider asking a professional for help. It’s their job to help people navigate the tricky and often overwhelming landscape of their own feelings, perceptions and emotions.

One thing to keep an eye out for is feeling worse once the emotions you’ve been blind to start to come to the surface. Stick it out, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. The process of untangling our feelings is almost as difficult as it is rewarding. Good luck!

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