A Good Wife

My mother told me all men are hot tempered and foul mouthed.
But they can be tamed she said, in such a way that their monstrosities surface just once in a while, in justifiable situations.
She said let’s be realistic. Anger and aggression is in their nature and submissiveness and compromise in ours.

Society and the women in my life indoctrinated me in how to have a happy, long-lasting marriage.
They said it shouldn’t be difficult because women are made of malleable stuff. And strong headed, independent women are not appealing anyway.

Through their actions, over the years, they drummed in me that a woman’s calling in life is to mould herself to her husband’s liking.
They said don’t ever make him feel inadequate by talking about your accomplishments and don’t make him feel neglected in the pursuit of your achievements.
Be humble about your talents but feed his ego; pursue your dreams but first make sure you are accommodating him to pursue his.
It doesn’t matter what your passions are, if they make him feel insecure douse them down or abandon them completely.
Nothing is more important than saving your marriage, not even yourself.
You don’t want him to leave you for someone else, who is feminine and gentle and soft spoken. So give him the respect and importance he deserves as a man.
And the central tenet of this creed,
“don’t ever provoke him.”
If he doesn’t like it, don’t say it, don’t wear it, don’t do it.
It is the most simple and effective remedy for a happy marriage.

And so, over the years, I watched the women around me adopt this mantra like second nature.
They did it so effortlessly, so genuinely. They were celebrated like heroic martyrs, for they were nothing less.
They had sacrificed their deepest desires to bring contentment to their mortal god and in doing so they attained the highest accolade; ‘a good wife.’

They have taught me well, my gurus. Although, I still struggle with alien concepts like self-respect and individuality, I am learning fast the fallacy of such thoughts.
Very soon, with great skill and beauty, I will have buried myself in the grave of appeasement and subservience. My tombstone too shall say ‘A good wife.’