Am I Better Yet?

The Surprising Truth About Mental Health

Last year, I wrote a piece called ‘The Truth about Depression’. As someone who has experienced depression and has dysthymia, I never felt like I saw my experience, difficult but functioning, in the world around me. Even now, it amazes me how many resonated with that piece.

These days, I don’t think about depression all that much. I’m working. I’m writing, starting projects like a blog, publishing on other sites. I’m trying to get out there and date. It’s an exciting time.

So, is it over? Each month I send claims to insurance for my therapy. They have a specific diagnostic code, for depression. Every morning, I still take meds to help curb my anxiety and stress levels and also give me a base line to keep me from true and deep depressive episodes. Once a week, I sit on a therapist’s couch and talk about my problems and issues.

Am I depressed? I don’t think so, but maybe we’re asking the wrong question.

Our assumptions for good mental health

In America, we assume people are mentally healthy when they don’t need help. The sane don’t need therapy. The healthy don’t need drugs to balance mood or anxiety. We assume that individuals are born with perfect mental health. We believe that our brains, unlike our bodies, don’t need check-ins or tune ups. Our minds should run perfectly until we die.

Sounds ridiculous when you look at it, doesn’t it?

This black and white thinking covers a lot of mental illness. We are sane or insane, healthy or unhealthy. We are depressed or we aren’t. When we aren’t depressed anymore, we shouldn’t need drugs, therapy, or any of those coping mechanisms.

Yet here I am, straddling between the two. Where did the grey space go?

We assume that individuals are born with perfect mental health. We believe that our brains, unlike our bodies, don’t need check-ins or tune ups. Our minds should run perfectly until we die.

Sick vs. healthy

At a certain point, are you healthy? With a common cold, you know when it’s over. The sniffles stop, you don’t feel like you need Dayquil every four hours to string together a sentence. It’s clear cut between healthy and sick.

For some, mental health works like this. You process an issue with a therapist and move on. Most therapy is short term, an average of 8–20 sessions. They may come back at their next issue, or not.

But what about the rest of us, the minority who go through therapy for years? Are we unhealthy?

The longer I am in therapy the more the sick versus healthy paradigm falls apart. Being in therapy has helped me solve my issues, to continue to build resilience. If I wasn’t taking meds, wasn’t learning self-care techniques, wasn’t returning to therapy weekly, I could have experienced another depressive episode. I certainly wouldn’t be as healthy as I am now.

My mental health isn’t like the majority of America. Dysthymia is a condition that makes me more prone to depression and lowers my moods more than most people. I work on it continually. Therapy and medication help me stay healthy.

But I think I’m learning lessons we all need to know.

Exercising the Brain

If there’s an analogy I like for mental health, it’s exercise. I could be biased because I start the day with sun salutations, but I think the expectations around exercise are similar to mental health needs. The body needs continual exercise and care to stay strong and healthy. Our brains are no exception.

But no two people have the exact same needs. Some people need personal trainers to help them, while others will play basketball with friends. I happen to need therapy and medication. The vast majority of people may never need what I need. That’s ok.

The body needs continual exercise and care to stay strong and healthy. Our brains are no exception.

Whether people struggle with depression, anxiety, or phobias, the assumption of becoming “cured” misleads friends and family. Mental health has never worked like that for me. I don’t believe in a happily ever after, a perfect ending that goes on forever.

Am I better than I was two years ago? Absolutely. But getting better isn’t the end of my work on mental health. It was the beginning of a more sustainable relationship and care with myself.

This is part of a series called #writingfordepression. See more pieces like this on The Awakening.

Katie is a writer, photographer, and part-time cat lady. For tips on living a creative life, check out her site.