An Ode to My Friends
Dear readers,
About a month ago, I was talking to Taylor about the title of my next post. I said, in my usual irreverent tone, “why girlfriends are gold and boyfriends are bronze”*. “Amazing,” she replied. Cue synchronized laughter and wine glasses clinking.
When I said those words, I was surprisingly happy in a surprisingly serious relationship. I could elaborate on our good times, but it’s probably easier if you just replay a montage of romcom highlights in your mind. Ahh to be young again.**
Perhaps you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop — yes, unexpectedly (to me?), we split. Predictably, bad news never had good timing (thanks, John Mayer). I was wrestling with an exciting but complicated career transition and a possible cross-country move — I really didn’t have time for a surprise breakup.
It pains me to admit this, but I have to be honest: I didn’t take it well. Denial, confusion, shock, anger, nausea, more confusion, blame, efforts to fight, efforts to quit, and days of drinking too many caramel lattes “just because” followed. Younger me would have scoffed. She would have said “geezus woman get it together. You must be kidding. I simply do not act like this.”
But for almost two long weeks, I didn’t have it together. I was flummoxed that someone could claim to love me one day and treat me so poorly the next (calendar) day. I couldn’t reconcile my understanding of love with my recent experience, and it was making my blood boil.
One thing became clear to me though, and I’d like to reiterate it here:
No matter how perfect your boytoy may be (and I thought mine was damn perfect), you can’t forget to treat your true friends like the gold that they are.
My friends put me back together in the best way possible. They shared their stories, which I suddenly understood. They picked up the phone past midnight and made me laugh. They told me what they really thought (Linda: “ wow. I’m actually surprised that it’s hitting you this hard TBH…”). They introduced me to some heavenly hot chocolate***. They engaged me in deep and brilliant conversations. They took me as I was, even when I wasn’t the fun and energetic Sarah they were used to.
In small ways and big my friends reminded me what love is. Love isn’t a romcom montage. Love isn’t a fad or a trophy or a fantasy in a frame. Love isn’t a transient feeling that you can talk yourself into or think yourself out of. Love is feeling the pain and joy of another person as if it were your own. Love is sharing your thoughts honestly and gently. Love follows no logic and expects no return.
Thankfully, Sarah’s back with the boldness and complexity of an unforgettable cabernet****. Do I understand what happened? No, not really. I let it go.
All you can do is remember what love means to you and that friendship is a wonderful love. Always remember this, but especially when navigating the turbulent waters of dating, working, and living as a young-and-dumb twenty-something. I’m so grateful to my friends for reminding me. Thank you all.
Yours,
S
*We’re both mostly-heterosexual women and most of our close friends are women, so this made sense in our particular context.
**Okay, fine, this was a month ago.
***Dandelion in the Mission.
****Thomas Fogarty in South Bay.
