Answering “Why do I feel bad?”, Part 2: Embarrassment
This post is part of a 14-part series of “issues” — emotions, behaviors, and events — that change your life in ways that cause you to ask, “Why do I feel bad?” These issues range from the familiar (regret, tragedy) to the less obvious (distorted thinking) to the unexpected (attachment issues).
If you haven’t already, read Part 1: Introduction and Context. It explains the purpose of this series (including how to read the diagram in this post), answers some Frequently Asked Questions, and gives recommendations on how to use this series to improve your life.
Embarrassment
Embarrassment is the easiest issue to talk about. In terms of visibility, it’s usually pretty obvious to you that you are embarrassed. (However, it’s possible that you might feel vaguely uncomfortable and not connect that feeling with the action that has caused your embarrassment.)
Stefan approached the table where he was to meet his fiancée Carol and her parents. He held out his hand and said, “You must be Carol’s mom. I’ve heard so much about you!” There was an unexpected pause as Carol’s parents looked at each other. Then Carol coughed and said, “Stefan, uh, this is Eileen, Dad’s girlfriend. I thought I told you my parents were divorced years ago.” In that moment, Stefan was extremely embarrassed. But months later, at Stefan and Carol’s wedding reception, Eileen told the story so well that even Stefan laughed.
You usually feel embarrassed about small things — things you have done (in all innocence) that you believe reflects poorly on you. Other people may not have even noticed, or they may be understanding of your slight faux pas. But that’s not what matters — embarrassment comes from what you believe people will think.
At first, embarrassment can be quite intense. Fortunately, its bite usually fades within a few hours or days.
In the diagram at top, embarrassment is the light green rectangle in the lower left corner. The fact that it is on the left side of the diagram means that as an issue (a cause of feeling bad), people can usually deal with it easily.
The fact that embarrassment is located at the bottom of the diagram means that it is very likely to be obvious. The height of the rectangle indicates that your embarrassment might occasionally not be obvious to you.
Next → Answering ‘Why do I feel bad?’, Part 3: Regret, Grief
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