Answering “Why do I feel bad?”, Part 3: Regret, Guilt
This post is part of a 14-part series of “issues” — emotions, behaviors, and events — that change your life in ways that cause you to ask, “Why do I feel bad?” These issues range from the familiar (regret, tragedy) to the less obvious (distorted thinking) to the unexpected (attachment issues).
If you haven’t already, read Part 1: Introduction and Context. It explains the purpose of this series (including how to read the diagram in this post), answers some Frequently Asked Questions, and gives recommendations on how to use this series to improve your life.
Regret
Regret is a little more serious than embarrassment. It lingers longer because it’s the result of a decision that is important to you and that has not turned out well. Regret comes from feeling bad about your choice and believing that a different choice would have been much better (regardless of whether that is true or not).
Chloe had been counting the days until her red BMW was delivered. When she finally saw it in the dealer’s lot, she could barely keep from jumping up and down, it was so gorgeous. A week later, she realized it looked gaudy surrounded by her coworkers’ silver and black BMWs. And she worried that the color might make her boss take her less seriously. She was really beginning to regret her decision.
In the diagram at top, regret is the small purple rectangle in the lower left corner, immediately to the right of embarrassment. Its size indicates that it is a slightly more serious issue than embarrassment, but that it’s almost always obvious that regret is the reason why you’re feeling bad.
Guilt
With guilt, we begin to move into more complex issues that often have more serious consequences. Guilt is like an amplified version of regret, but it adds the feeling that you have done something unacceptable or morally wrong.
Antonio was six years years old when he ate his baby sister’s ice cream. She probably doesn’t even remember what he did, but twenty years later, he still feels bad about it.
You can feel guilty whether or not other people find out what you’ve done. You can also feel guilty simply for feeling an emotion you feel is bad or wrong (for example, hate or lust). If others don’t know what you did, guilt can be a lose-lose situation. It can weigh on you if you don’t tell, and you could have serious problems if you do.
In the diagram at top, guilt is the dull yellow rectangle in the lower left corner. It is located to the right of regret because it is somewhat more serious. Like its companions remorse and shame, guilt is even more likely to be obvious than embarrassment or regret.
You can also read the entire series on one page at greggwilliams.co.
If you like this article then please press the ❤ button below and share with others.
Check out my Medium publication, Your Better Life.
Personal wisdom, articles that shift your thinking in important ways, things that will make your life better. Quality content that adds something good to your life.
You can find YBL at https://FindYourBetterLife.com/— that’s “find your better life DOT com.”
And to follow/subscribe, just click the icon at the bottom of any article page.
