Are Self-Fulfilling Prophecies Holding you Back?

My Zen teacher says you’re not who you think you are.

Your perception of yourself is just that. Perception. Through years of experiencing our behaviors, feeling our feelings, thinking our thoughts, it’s easy to assume we’re this kind of person.

We’re a shy person, a loud person, an emotional person, a health nut, a people-pleaser, a seeker, a skinny person, an athletic person, yada yada yada.

We love labels. And hashtags.

Just because we know how we like our coffee, or our birth order tendencies, we still don’t know who we are underneath it all.

This is because our true nature is undefined. Our cells are constantly dying and being replaced; the conditions around us — world politics, co-workers’ moods, unexpected phone calls, children — are always changing. Life is changing, a constantly moving enigma.

Why would we be any different?

Each moment we encounter is novel. We’ve never encountered before, and it will shape future moments we’ve also never encountered. Our accumulated life experiences influence who we are, again and again. Just because you behaved a certain way in the past doesn’t mean that’s how you’re going to behave going forward.

As much as we’d like to put labels on ourselves in order to make sense of something, it actually takes away from the freedom at our fingertips.

Once we let go of thinking we’re someone who fits neatly into a box, we let go of our expectations. We no longer suffer when things don’t go as plan. We stay open and curious to our evolving, changing, deepening nature.

Practice not knowing who you are.

Dance at the concert with abandon when you’d usually sway side to side (without needing a few drinks first); pick your kid up from school early, or surprise your partner at work, and go on an adventure in the park with graham crackers and a green smoothie; show up at your neighbor’s house without texting them first, knock on their fricken door, and ask if they want help weeding their yard.

Don’t avoid new experiences because “that’s not who you are.” Face it: you have no idea who you are. Why not play in the uncertainty?

Let’s take off the “Hi! My name is ______” stickers and relish in not repeating the same stories over and over. Your fairytale has all sorts of twists, turns, and a mega surprise ending. Don’t you want to keep reading and find out what happens, rather than thinking you know?

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book Shit My Zen Teacher Says. Sign up below for more wisdom bombs!

I’ve dedicated my life to exploring what it means to be human. If you’re serious about going deeper…

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