Can Diversity win through after all?

I’ve been thinking about writing this article for a couple of weeks now, but it is with a heavy heart I have finally put pen to paper.

On Thursday, a momentous decision was taken in the UK to leave Europe, questionably whether a sound political or economic decision and more likely a result of a divided UK on sovereignty and immigration.

I feel disappointed because I love our diverse UK, the difference from within. With it comes vibrancy, flamboyance, creativity and entrepreneurialism. Yet, as a society, we have chosen narrowly to reject that in favour of independence and go it alone.

For several years, one of my greatest influencers has been the late Stephen Covey, author of “7 habits of highly effective people”. He explains that independence is only half way to being successful. True success comes from interdependency, where we are able to acknowledge and accept that whilst we have something valuable and important to offer, in return we can and do accept other’s strengths and inputs. The idea of mutual dependency, depending on each other. Two key ‘habits’ that always stood out for me were:

• Think ‘Win Win’
• The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, or synergise

These have always been personal mantras of mine, in my home life, with my family and in business as a leader. Silo working and personal interest never succeeds in the end, but working for the greater good, towards a common aim does.

But this post is not about politics or economics or leadership or Brexit — it’s about ‘difference’.

In a recent episode of ‘Inside Birmingham Children’s Hospital’, a documentary series about this amazing hospital that is being screened on Channel 4, the theme was entitled ‘Fitting in’. Three children and their families were featured.

Two of the children had conditions which affected their appearance, one a baby and the other a 17 year old. The essence of their stories was about changing their appearance, in order that they would fit in and become less noticeably different in society.

As I watched, I felt quite uncomfortable and this moral dilemma took shape. As a parent, I know I would be following the actions of the parents in the documentary and the advice of the clinicians, providing each child with choices for changing their appearance through either surgery or prosthetics.

However, I felt strongly, that as a society, we should be grown up enough to accept, welcome and include children (and adults) in our society regardless of appearance. To understand value comes from within, yet society creates stereotypes and associated stigma. I had only witnessed this directly myself a few weeks ago when travelling on a train to London. A slightly unkempt man had entered the carriage and was quite loud listening and talking into his phone. I watched people actively avoid him as the train entered the station. He had asked me earlier to let him know when the train had stopped and I realised he was partially sighted. As we came to the station and leave the train I told him we had arrived and let him in front of me. He walked with him at his request up to the concourse where he then thanked me and informed me he was now familiar with his surroundings and able to be on his way.

As I watched the hospital programme, I finally managed to reconcile my dilemma, with the thought of what harm will it do? No one is trying to change the identity of the child, it is only appearance and on the surface, the outer layer, nothing on the inside.

I was also comforted by the fact, one of the clinicians made the point these decisions were difficult to make and ultimately if the child was old enough, whilst they and the parents could advise, it was still their choice.

The third child was Ellie, a 14 year old who had informed her Dad she needed to go to hospital. Ellie was autistic, recognised her mental state was not good and she was battling depression, was at risk of self harming and had in the past attempted to commit suicide. She was a bright, articulate, self aware young person, who on the face of it showed no obvious outward signs of her current difficult experiences or autism itself.

Her Dad made the comment…‘You don’t walk about with something obvious’

The staff at Birmingham Children’s Hospital were wonderful, listened, supported and arranged appropriate therapy.

Ellie had made the comment

‘I don’t know who I am’

We saw young Ellie change gender and become young Alex, turning into a much happier young teenager who found his place in society, a sense of belonging so desperately needed, with the support and understanding of his family. It was important that this young teenager was listened to and respected and I applaud this difficult topic being included in the documentary.

As an autistic myself, a sense of belonging can be elusive. I have written at length in the past about often feeling on the outside looking in and during my teenage years, this was very pronounced. This is very common in autism, being unable to relate or understand our own context, having negative impacts on our own self worth and being consciously and acutely aware that we are thinking and feeling and experiencing things differently from others, but very unsure why and unable to articulate this.

More recently, as I have begun to understand myself and autism better, I have started to be able to reconcile my own differences. I realise that for most of my life, I have tried to fit in and fly under the radar, mask my natural behaviours and put on a ‘jacket’ for social and professional situations. My own personal answer, is to stop trying to compare myself to others and fit in, but to recognise and accept my differences and be proud of them. But this is hard, and I experienced fear as I told people, especially in my professional environment about my autism. Everything relies on having a supportive social network and professional work environment of open minded people who are willing to understand and empathise, to accept and be inclusive. Stereotypes and stigma are real. The attitudes of others matter!

A few weeks ago I was very fortunate to attend a National Autistic Society event — “A Day with Temple Grandin”. Temple Grandin is a very famous female autistic author and professor of animal science at Colorado State University and is a very active autism advocate. Her paper “How does visual thinking work in the mind of a person with autism?” was my first encounter and personal revelation of my own autism. Her very famous TED talk “The world needs all kinds of minds” was my first encounter with neurodiversity. She made the case that the world needs people on the autism spectrum, visual thinkers, pattern thinkers, verbal thinkers and all kinds of smart geeky kids!

Difference and diversity — race, faith, gender, sexuality, disability, neurodiversity is amongst us and within us and embracing this is about strengths not weaknesses.

We are all afraid of the unknown, we fear uncertainty and we need our identities and belonging to feel secure and in control. Identifying with groups of people where we feel we belong helps us to feel confident, full of self worth and valued. In large cosmopolitan cities, we see these groups, these pockets of society, we see events like Pride, I’m involved in an online group of autistic females, where I know I can understand and be understood and I can feel confident.

But exclusively and solely living within these groups can also have a detrimental effect as we miss out on the diversity and strengths of others….

The key to successful living needs more than this, we need inclusivity amongst and within us…

• Being confident, being proud and becoming involved, whilst being welcomed and included by others.
• Attempting to understand those different from ourselves but equally others attempting to understand our experiences.
• Recognising behaviours and communication styles can and do vary
• Striving towards 2 way empathy
• Thinking ‘Win Win’
• Recognising that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts

After the referendum, I felt a deep sense of unease and disappointment as I saw this potentially starting to slip away and break down.

…but then I listened to my children, one old enough to vote (and did vote) and one only 13, also the views of my nephew also too young to vote. I heard their vocalising at the dismay for their future. I thought of them and their friends, how they easily accept different cultures and faith, disability, gender, sexuality and neurodiversity in their classrooms or university without a second thought. I listened to the young people interviewed, their ideals for their future as 75% of them wanted to remain unified with Europe and be able to live and work freely across the Union.

We often say children can be cruel about difference, but I’m not seeing this and I think it is time we learned from them and their unconditional acceptance of each other.

I felt proud of my children and our younger generation and hope for the future of a diverse and inclusive society.

I wrote an article a couple of months ago that someone highlighted part of today….

“…it begins with awareness, understanding and the attitudes in society”

Can Diversity win through after all?

I believe so, we just have to keep advocating, being brave and vocal and nurturing our children to look for the greater good and accept difference…and one day they will be the ones driving change in society!

References:

Birmingham Children’s Hospital

The 7 habits of highly effective people — Stephen Covey

How does visual thinking work in the mind of a person with autism — Temple Grandin

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