Car Wee There Yet?

I guess I was about seven or eight years old when we were on the road to Florida. My Dad bought an old Ford Country Squire Station Wagon, complete with the wood paneled sides and huge back windows that rolled all the way down. We had just left a rest area and started our journey to The Chesapeake Bay Bridge and Tunnel.

For those who aren’t aware of what this is, it is a 17 mile long bridge with two mile long tunnels (so ships can pass). It connects the Delaware Peninsula with Virginia Beach.

About three miles in, I felt the urge to pee. I told my Mom. She asked why I didn’t go at the rest area. I told her I did, but I was guzzling fruit punch out of a Canteen one of my brothers bought me for my birthday, so I had to go again. The shoulder on the bridge really wasn’t that wide, my Dad thought it would be dangerous to pull over. My Mom told me to just hold it in for 15 minutes. I said okay, I can wait.

I lied.

About two miles further on, I said I really, really had to go.

My hand squeezing my pants had commenced.

My Dad turned on the right signal and was about to pull over. My Mom, being the Brooklyn girl she was, told him to keep going, she had an idea.

Mom pulled out and empty McDonalds cup from the plastic bag we used for trash. “Go in this, don’t pee on yourself or the seat.”

I took the cup. Normally, I would be embarrassed or have a shy bladder during a situation like this, but not this time. It was getting painful.

I remember turning towards the side and kneeling on the springy bench seat. I held the cup, looked down and let it flow. I almost filled up the entire cup. When I had finished, not only did I feel incredible relief, but pride. I didn’t spill a drop. Nothing on me, nothing on my hands, nothing on my clothes, nothing on the seat.

Victory.

To this day, I don’t know why I did this, but I handed the cup back to my Mom. I could have just poured it out the window myself.

This will forever be a mystery.

She took the cup, I sat back down in the seat directly behind her, looked out at the water, the sky above the bay and all the ships. That bridge is truly a beautiful drive.

Next thing I know, my face was soaked. I didn’t know what happened. Was it a puddle? It hadn’t rained. I pulled my head back into the car. I started wiping it off when I quickly had an awful thought. I remember saying “No…please no…” in my head. This fell of deaf ears.

My Mom threw the contents of the cup out of her window. Whether she didn’t throw it hard enough, hold it low enough and pour it out, or even commit the illegal, heinous act of just dropping the entire cup, something went horribly wrong.

That something was all of my own pee going right back into my face, neck and chest. Also my arm. I was doing the hand flying on the wind thing. Some got on the wood paneling as well.

To this day, nobody has cried and screamed more on The Chesapeake Bay Bridge.

Even people that may have accidentally fallen off of it.