How to find dates without the apps

Hello, my name is…Taylor.

My online profile would tell you that I’m 26 and a graduate student. I enjoy hiking, listening to music, and traveling. I’m interested in someone who has a sense of humor.

I reread this and almost dozed off in utter boredom.

The Apps are cesspools of underwhelming substance. The options are like old Microsoft Word templates — jarringly one-dimensional and rife with shitty content. Life is meant to be colored onto a blank canvas, not conformed into a 3-line description.

My approach to getting a large N is to be open-minded and sample what comes. Sure, I’ll order a side of Apps sometimes, but the rest of the menu is more extensive than people think.

What works for me is a shot of spunk (or, you know, actual whiskey) and a healthy dose of dgaf. Here’s my trifecta*:

1. Go to events you enjoy.

Win-win: you have fun, and it’s a built-in icebreaker. Love music? Check out that indie concert and ask how someone got into the band. Like wine? Go wine tasting and drink in some conversation with your fellow tasters. Enjoy being single? Me too, let’s hang out.

2. Be approachable.

Break out from your Mean Girls clique. Groups can be hard to break into, and besties can be as ruthless as RBG.

Lose the kweens, find your dreams.

Be yourself, actively engage in your conversation, and the invites will come. Go to a housewarming, talk to someone about wine country, boom: drinks date. Go to a potluck, bake cookies together for 20 minutes, boom: “when can I cook you a meal?”

Remember: awkwardness is all mental. Life is short. Ain’t nobody got time to be bashful.

3. Never say never.

Sure, I get a striking number of suitors. But honestly, it’s not so much je ne sais quoi as it is I don’t say no. My thought is, why should I limit myself? I like diversifying my life; I appreciate fresh perspectives. People say it’s hard to meet people, but girlfriend, what do you expect when you judge a person without even knowing them? Everyone deserves a chance. Even if it’s a disaster, hey at least it makes for a great story.

Pop Quiz

• Scenario 1. You’re on a date. Your date goes to the restroom. To pass the time, you start chatting with someone at the bar and he asks for your number. Do you give it to him? I’m sorry, was there a question? Of course you do. How else are you going to get your dating numbers up?
• Scenario 2. You’re chatting with your neighbor on a long-haul flight. You’re tired AF but he seems charming. Turns out he’s 4 years younger than you, but your apps filter for anyone >2 years older than you. He asks to meet up again. Do you go for it? Yes! Hot damn, hop on that immediately. The world is not an app; do not filter people that way. Be the cougar you were meant to be.
• Scenario 3. You’re walking through a hallway and bump into someone, dropping everything you’re holding. You both hurry to pick up the items, lock eyes, and immediately sense a connection. Do you proceed to talk and maybe grab coffee together? Trick question. Let’s be real, that moment only exists in rom coms. Keep your eyes on the prize. Ryan Gosling will always be there saying “Hey Girl”, your potential dates will not.
• Scenario 4. You’re in a foreign place, heading home alone after a long booze-fueled evening. Someone comes by and offers you a ride. Do you hop in? Hell to the no. Know your boundaries. Safety first, my friends, safety first.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. By the time you’re done hemming and hawing about giving a number to someone, some yoga instructor will have downward dogged her way into his pants. Just drop those digits and never look back.

Before you know it, we’re bathing in a pool of first dates.

Second dates ensue. They are for second chances (more on that later).
After three dates, Marie Kondo is whispering in my ear, “does it spark joy?” 95% of the time, the answer is no (hello, Chapter 3).

But hey, at least I can say I gave it a shot.

*Disclaimer: this is just my personal Taylor Strategy. As you’ll soon discover, Ava and Sarah have wildly different approaches — as will you. You do you, m’loves.