Dear Love,
I can hear it again
That sound of heartbreak in the middle of the night
I can feel it again
That feeling of betrayal
Was what we had worth letting go of?
You were always so self-righteous
and it’s poison
Is she worth it? After all,
your convictions went out the window
way before I could even say, “You’re a liar”
I forgive you.
for making me smell dead flowers in the morning for a long time
forcing me to eat all the words you promised me
watching me drown trying to save everything
Do you remember how I would always
Stop
Right after taking two steps
Outside the elevator
And watch you through glass
Thinking how grateful I was
But what do you know?
You always had your back turned
Much like when you walked away
For your sake,
I hope you’re happy
Be a man of your word
Be a man of bravery
Be everything
I wanted you to be
There will come a day
when my eyes will sparkle once more
my hands will work for my good
my ears will hear all the beautiful songs he will sing to me
my heart will heal from all the lies
And I swear,
I will be whole
and new again
It will be worth it
Because I stood still
And waited.
I don’t need you.
I’m fine right where I am.
Because I will wait.
I will wait for the one who was meant to give me the sun, moon, and stars
And guess what?
He will be all I ever prayed for and more.
July 23, 2012 — January 2, 2014
In life and in love, you’re not the one for me.
I recovered a really old place in the internet where I stashed my heartbreak. I unintentionally closed the door, locked it, without knowing that 6 years later, that same door would present itself and beg me to open it when I needed it the most.
Finding this again reminded me of the sole reason why I write — preservation.
