Don’t We All Hate Small Talk?
It’s become a natural reaction that when someone tells me I need to attend an event or party where I know I won’t know many people my first reaction is immediately to cringe, make a kind of guttural moaning noise and roll my eyes. When you spend the entire day working the last thing you want is to have to work your brain even further trying to make small talk with people who are presumably incredibly boring. Of course it’s fine to make these kinds of sweeping generalizations because before you really know someone they are a closed door. And the pessimist that I am, I imagine there to be nothing but inane conversation and information about things I really don’t care about past that door.
This idea of small talk got me thinking, to the point where I wrote an article for another website (I’ll post this once it’s published) on how to make more meaningful small talk. Studies have shown that substantive, meaningful interaction and conversations actually make us happier. Imagine that? So essentially, if I spent more time talking about the state of the world rather than how it’s gotten quite hot but then the evenings are cool but then when I was in Delhi it was really hot so clearly global warming, you know- I could be happier?
According to this study done at the University of Arizona, there are two things to consider. Being humans and more essentially primates, we are social beings who feel an innate need to connect and be closer to others. We are also constantly looking for meaning. The research has extended itself to considering that maybe we need a certain number of substantive conversations a day to increase happiness but in my view, if I can just get through one dinner party without talking about traffic- I will be happier.
Another huge problem with small talk is that people hate to listen and people love to talk about themselves. Although I’m quite lucky to be surrounded by a reasonably well-hinged set of humans I have definitely had conversations that are so one-sided I really didn’t need to be present. We’ve gotten so used to swiping, scrolling and clicking that the minute we have a thought we want to exclaim this piece of genius. We are so obsessed with immediacy that the thought of even waiting for someone to finish their sentence is too large a burden to bear.
Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people and it is these new people who can actually offer you a lot more than people you are close to can. By this I mean the strength of weak ties, a study done by Mark Granovetter explains that it is not those people in your immediate social network who can help you when you’re looking for a new job or need access to information; but the people who you are weakly connected to- acquaintances. By leveraging your close friends you are essentially reaching out to a social circle that overlaps with yours quite closely however people you don’t know so well, will know a lot more people you don’t know, providing you with more access and opportunity.
The point being, next time you’re stuck in a room with people you really couldn’t be bothered about (me included) and are forced to make mundane chit-chat, why not up the ante? Talk about something meaningful, ask interesting questions and most of all- listen.
