Fighting Uncertainty, Part 3: Make Today Easier

Hi, I’m Gregg. You may want to start at Part 1 (click here), which has links to all the other parts at the bottom of the page. The entire series is available as a free ebook at greggwilliams.co. Thanks for reading! –gw

Taking multiple small actions, seeing clearly, and avoiding common pitfalls are the foundation of coping with uncertainty. Now it’s time to talk about the things you can always do for yourself that will help you cope with each day as it comes.

Focus on today

“Live life one day at a time”: These words of advice come from numerous sources — Pope John XXIII, the Dalai Lama, 12-step recovery plans, doctors advising cancer patients, therapists helping people in grief, and many others. It’s timeless, proven advice.

When you’re in a period of uncertainty, a variation on this advice will help you cope:

♦ Technique: Tell yourself (after substituting your name), “KIM, things will be better if you focus on today.” This specific advice will reduce your anxiety and help you make better decisions. ♦

Focusing on today doesn’t mean ignoring both past and future. Instead, it helps you avoid worrying about everything (and feeling overwhelmed as a result). It also encourages you to spend your time and energy in the only place where you can take action: today.

Work on three “today, no matter what” tasks

This is a productivity technique that works well with both the previous and the next sections.

You may find that switching between doing a task and deciding what to do next doesn’t work for you: At some point, you finish a task, and you just can’t make yourself continue.

The repeated “decide, then do” cycle breaks the natural flow of doing task after task. After you finish one task, you have to decide what to do next (which depletes your willpower), and you have to decide to start working on this new task (which depletes more willpower). If you run out of willpower during these two steps, you will stop working — even when you still have the energy to keep working.

Focusing on today means spending your time and energy in the only place where you can take action: today

Sound familiar? The following technique will help you feel more in control, get more accomplished, and feel better about yourself.

♦ Technique: Make a to-do list of things of things you need to accomplish. Pick three that you will absolutely commit to doing today. Work on your to-do list in whatever way feels best for you, as long as you make sure to get those three “today” tasks done before the day is over. ♦

You will find it’s easier to keep working if you don’t have to continually stop, decide what to do next, and force yourself back into action.

Don’t feed feelings of “awful”

When you’re in the middle of uncertainty, you may find yourself saying, “This is just awful — I can’t stand it.” It actually feels comforting to say this, because you’ve just given yourself an excuse to give up and get out of the uncertainty. This is yet another way your brain tricks you into avoiding current unpleasantness, not caring that doing so will make your life worse in the long term.

You can get rid of feeling awful by taking the following steps:

♦ Technique: First, tell yourself “HANNAH, stop it!,” think of a red stop sign, and pause. (This interrupts your repetitive “awfulizing.”) Second, address yourself again, using the following words: “HANNAH, what you’re feeling is unpleasant, but you can tolerate it.”

Once you’ve done that, try working on your “today, no matter what” tasks or find something to do that actually helps your situation. ♦

Create a daily “uncertainty-free zone”

Because you are a human being with a functioning brain, you have the ability to exclude whatever the uncertainty is making you feel, at least for a little while.

♦ Technique: Choose a period of time — 15 minutes, an hour, or whatever you can manage — for going about your day the way you did before the uncertainty happened to you. Use this time to have a pleasant breakfast, concentrate on a task at work, take a walk, or do whatever else you choose. Give yourself the following self-talk: “ROBIN, this time is for you. You can worry later, but not now.” Repeat this as needed. ♦

Depending on your situation, you may be able to limit your attention to the uncertainty to a fixed time slot — for example, from 3 pm to 5 pm. This then becomes your designated time for handling tasks and thinking related to handling the uncertainty. Use the above self-talk to handle the moments when the uncertainty intrudes during your uncertainty-free zone.

You have the ability to exclude the uncertainty, at least for a little while

If you find yourself distracted by unfocused, repetitive worry, try setting a shorter fixed time for worrying (for example, during your drive to work). When worry intrudes outside this time period, tell it to wait its turn (for example, “I am not going to deal with you now. You can have my attention tomorrow when I’m driving to work”).

Every day, connect to something very important to you

One of the worst things about being in the middle of uncertainty is that it feels like it takes over your entire life, completely erasing what you had before the uncertainty started. The actions in both this section and the next will help you get through the day better because they take you to places where your uncertainty loses its power.

♦ Technique: Think of some small experience that gives you pleasure and turn it into a daily ritual. For example, before you leave for work, look — really look — at your significant other and tell him you love him. If you love being outdoors, take a short walk outside (even it’s only a minute long), walk slowly so that you will be present in the moment, and remind yourself why you love being there.

Another way to approach this technique is to find a way to connect to something (a person, an object, or a deeply held value) that is important to you. Try to summon an associated positive emotion when you do this. For example, look at a picture of loved ones and evoke in yourself the feeling of love you have for them. Or visualize an important religious or spiritual symbol and recall the powerful associations it has for you. ♦

Make this connection into a daily ritual. Do it at a set time or when you need it, but be sure to do it at least once a day. Always evoke the emotion that is associated with it. It is this emotion that strengthens you against the uncertainty and puts it into the context of a larger perspective.