Fighting Uncertainty, Part 4: Rally Your Internal Strengths

Hi, I’m Gregg. You may want to start at Part 1 (click here), which has links to all the other parts at the bottom of the page. The entire series is available as a free ebook at greggwilliams.co. Thanks for reading! –gw

There’s more to thriving during a period of uncertainty than getting through each day easier. This post describes how you can use inner resources that you already have to strengthen yourself and make the uncertainty weaker.

Begin by carving out a short period from your day (say, 15 to 30 minutes), grab a pen and paper, and retreat to a quiet place. Do the exercises in this post and write down everything that occurs to you. Don’t worry about the quality of what you write. Later, you’ll pick the best items and throw the rest away.

Create strong aspirational statements

Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel makes it easier to walk forward.

Aspirational statements (don’t confuse them with affirmations) are like goals, but without the downside of feeling bad if you don’t achieve them. They are tools you can use to give yourself encouragement, perspective, and resolve when you feel confused or overwhelmed.

Here are some exercises to help you create aspirational statements that will work for your particular situation:

Exercise: Name your desired outcome

If you have a goal that you think you can reach, this can be the starting point for a good aspirational statement — for example, “When this is over, I want to have a job where I live now that makes at least as much money as I’m making now.”

If you are less confident about reaching a specific goal, try making your aspirational statement more general. If you were modifying the above example, you might instead say something like “When this is over, I want to have a job that allows me to live comfortably” or (even more general) “When this is over, I want to have a stable life that allows me to feel good about the future.”

In the beginning of your period of uncertainty, you may want to choose a very general aspirational statement. Why? Look at the statements above. You will find that the most general one (the third one) describes a far wider range of solutions than the others. Once you’ve decided on a specific solution, then you can write a “desired outcome” statement that will give you more concrete guidance.

Exercise: Describe some aspect of your future life

Often, there is no way to know how your period of uncertainty will end. If this is the case, try focusing on some aspect of what you want your life to be like afterward. It needs to be something that helps you rule out some possibilities (e.g., “I want a low-stress life”) or reflects some some value that you have (“I want to be able to help others on a regular basis”).

Aspirational statements that focus on your emotional state usually don’t work well — for example, “I want to be happy” won’t help you decide between two equally reasonable alternatives.

Remember why this is a fight you want to win

The aspirational statements described in the previous section are meant to help you when you are moving forward. The interventions in this section are for the times when moving forward feels painful or impossible. Here, you call on whatever things you can invoke to find the strength to continue.

Aspirational statements give you encouragement, perspective, and resolve when you feel confused or overwhelmed

Exercise: Use religious faith

Many people can use their religious faith to invoke strength. If you are religious, reciting a passage from a religious text or a quotation by a person of great faith may work for you. Or you may want to recite an empowering statement you have made for yourself. An example of this from the Christian faith might be “I believe that God has a plan for my life and will not give me burdens that are too much for me to handle.”

Don’t use a quotation or statement that is untrue or that doesn’t work for you. Using one of these may actually make you feel worse.

Exercise: Remember beloved people

You may have people, past or present, who you can invoke to gain strength, and you can invoke them in different ways. It always helps to include the emotional connection you have this person or these people.

Here are some examples:

“I have to get through this so I can keep my two wonderful children, Bobbie and Nathan, safe.”

“I loved being with Ma Ma Li Juan. She always told me that I would work hard and make her proud.”

“I have to make good decisions and not give up because my beloved Mina depends on me.”

Exercise: Stand up for a cause or idea

You may be able to find strength by seeing the current uncertainty as being about more than just you. For example:

• If you’re being discriminated against because you are an African American, you might say, “I have to keep going because this isn’t just about me, this is about the rights of African Americans everywhere.”
• If you’re in a situation where giving in to a powerful opponent would end the uncertainty, you might tell yourself “I can’t let myself compromise on this because to do so would be morally wrong.”

Use healthy affirmations

I’m not a big fan of affirmations (which are different from aspirational statements), for two reasons:

• You may be tempted to repeat an affirmation, hoping that change will occur magically, instead of taking action to improve your life.
• If your affirmation is too far from reality (e.g., if you’re depressed, repeating “I am happy and my life is moving forward effortlessly”), you will actually feel worse because you have failed to make your desired future come true.

In contrast, there are three kinds of affirmations that offer comfort, strength, and hope. They work because they are based on who you already are.

If your affirmation is too far from reality, you will actually feel worse

Exercise: Draw upon past successes against adversity

Recall a time when you got through a difficult period in your life. Use the following affirmation (substituting whatever is relevant to replace the words in all-caps):

“I got through LOSING MY JOB, I can get through this.”

This affirmation works because it is based on direct evidence of your ability to overcome real difficulties. It reminds you of your own strength and encourages you to believe that you will be safe and successful, despite the problems you have now.

Exercise: Draw upon one of your personal strengths

What are your personal strengths? What is it that helps you navigate the ups and downs of life? See if you can find a personal strength or ability that will make the following affirmation work for you:

“I can use my ability to MAKE GOOD CHOICES IN MY LIFE to help me get through this.”

This affirmation works because it is based on an actual (not imagined) resource. It reassures you that you are not helpless, that you have something real and concrete that will probably be useful in your situation.

Thinking about this resource can prompt creative solutions. Ask yourself, “How might this resource be helpful to me now? Where might I use it?” Doing this may lead to a useful insight or solve a problem in an unexpected way.

Exercise: Draw upon a strongly held value

Your values — the principles and standards of behavior that define what, for you, is right and good — invisibly influence much of what you think, say, and do. When you explicitly name them — for example, honesty, industriousness, religious faith — you may find they give you comfort or strength.

Think about what your values are (go back to the definition above for help). Values are hard to define, so be sure to write them down once you figure out what they are.

Once you have a list of values, see if you can find one that works with the following affirmation:

“MY RELIGIOUS FAITH will help me get through this.”

This affirmation works because deeply held values are powerful by their very nature. When you find a value that matches your situation and makes the above affirmation feel “right,” you will have an affirmation that will provide both comfort and strength.

Pick your best warriors and fight back

Think of all the sentences that you have written — aspirational statements, quotations, calls to action, or anything else — as an ally against the uncertainty you are fighting.

Now, pick the best of them; three is a good number, but feel free to choose more. These are your warriors, yours to command whenever you see fit.

Technique: Keep your warriors close

Warriors can’t help you if you leave them back at the castle. Here’s how to make them work for you:

• Write these sentences down and keep them with you. You may decide to: write them in one place and read them daily; put them in a drawer, wallet, or purse; put them on note cards that you tape to a door or wall — whatever works for you.
• Refer to them several times each day, or when you need a boost.
• Use them to generate a positive emotion in you. The emotion is the part that will help you.

I cannot emphasize this too strongly: Write them down, keep them near you, consult them several times a day, feel the emotion.