Finding Ourselves In Moments of Adversity
When you have the opportunity to step back and reflect on a situation that didn’t work out in your favor, you’ll often realize that it didn’t work out for a reason. That reason could be a teaching point or lesson that will help you improve in a similar circumstance or, maybe in an entirely different course of action.
It could give you the fuel and motivation necessary to soldier on in pursuit of a goal that you have long sought. I have experienced both in my life.
Earlier this year, adversity dealt me a tough blow: the loss of my job. In the weeks following my dismissal from one of the top management consulting firms in the country, I realized that I wasn’t made for that line of work. But I certainly didn’t know that right away. It was a shock to my system to get let go from a job. I had not precisely planned my next step.
Despite being flustered, I took this as a sign to boldly move forward with my writing and coaching dreams, to apply maximum effort and positive attitude to all that I do. Happiness, success and finding the courage to be yourself, truly is a mindset. Achieving these qualities takes discipline and focus. But they are always yours for the taking if you’re willing to go get them.
Finding the Right Fit
Culturally, I was the perfect fit at my previous company. I am a true team-player. I always demonstrated a pleasing personality, as well as a hunger to learn, improve and solve problems. Still, it wasn’t enough. Business wise, I was not the right fit. It took me moving my family from my home in New York to Atlanta, Georgia to realize that my destiny lies elsewhere.
Surely, there are some things in life we can know or at least feel very strongly about without ever trying. This was not one of those things. This job showed itself to be a great opportunity. But it took experience, grinding it out and living in the moment to reveal that it was not meant to be. While I could have been bitter, I took inventory of all the things I learned.
I realized how many great people I met, the exposure I had to Fortune 100 clients and life lessons that I experienced. Being around so many creative, intelligent, entrepreneurial minds enabled me to start thinking bigger and bolder about my life. I spent so much time on the side writing that it became an obsession. A very healthy, therapeutic and edifying one.
The aggregate of all these experiences have given me more confidence, which in turn has made me a better writer, leader and coach. Ironically, while lacking clear direction in my previous career path, I found direction for my writing path. My job dilemma gave life to dreams that I am actively pursuing today.
While it sucks to be rejected, it’s extremely empowering to know where to better concentrate your skills.
It’s liberating to have one door closed, in order to open another that provides sharper clarity and purpose, and the ability to accentuate your strengths.
Needs and Wants
I was hanging on at the end, hoping that somehow things would work out. The difference of being an experienced professional, versus someone who is at the beginning of her career, is you tend to know when you’re trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. It just isn’t fitting, yet somehow, you hold out a sliver of hope that it eventually will.
There’s the need to support my family financially, of course, so there’s no giving up or turning back. When we find ourselves in these adverse situations, we can only move forward with faith and our heads held high. There’s no picking up to go backpack in Europe for the summer. The time to provide is always now.
I used to think that I’d get into a job and continue on, not exactly anticipating changes of heart or bumps in the road along the way. Our dreams and day dreams about the future usually don’t involve difficulty, doom or adversity. If they do, you may want to speak to someone who cares about you or consider seeing someone in the medical profession.
For real.
Most of us see ourselves excelling, see ourselves falling in love with the man or woman of our dreams, with friends by our side. We envision ourselves doing the type of work that makes us happy. We see rosy pictures of vacations and time well spent at the beach, friendly gatherings and fun events that will become the prized memories of our lives.
But to those of us who have experienced adversity, we know that life will throw us curve balls. Life forces us to change plans. It challenges us to be decisive even when we don’t want to be. Life keeps moving forward, presenting us new options and choices that we may not have anticipated.
Be Prepared. Be Decisive
One of the keys in life is the need to be decisive; to make smart, quick decisions once we have given things proper, logical thought. I make a distinction between decision, in terms of accepting something and rejecting it.
Our minds are conditioned to think of decision as being the active choice to take something on- to accept it. Sometimes, we need to decide to pass up on something- to reject it. And sometimes, whether it’s a job, an audition for a part in a play, or even whether a love interest will choose us to be their companion, we don’t get the opportunity to actively decide.
What we do, however, always have control over is our attitude and how we conduct ourselves in response to someone else’s decision.When it comes to what you want to do in life, juxtaposed against the active choice of making a decision, there are four questions we can all ask ourselves:
- Does this jive with my values?
- Will this decision make me happy, insofar as I understand what personal happiness means to me?
- Is this a good decision in the short-term and long-term for what I see as my goals and ambitions in life?
- Is this just for fun or will this be a constructive use of my time?
The Benefits of Taking a Chance
We can listen to our intuition and follow our hearts to know what is in rhythm with our lives. The reality is, I knew in my heart for some time that the type of work I was doing in management consulting was not my life’s calling. But I convinced myself in my mind to continue on a track that matched up with my previous work experience.
In between, I learned a lot more about business, interpersonal relations and valuable life skills that have contributed to my continued education as a person. God put me in the opportunity I was in for a reason. There’s no such thing as wasted time when we’ve willingly entered into a situation with maximum effort and a positive attitude.
There are skills that I now possess which help me see life more clearly. Lessons learned that have provided me with sharper clarity and reasoning ability.
The truth is, you can live your whole life without ever risking anything. Never taking any chances. But where will that get you? Surely, in some ways, you won’t actively fail. But as J.K. Rowling would tell you, “you fail by default.”
In one of my favorite films, Good Will Hunting, Robin Williams’s character, Sean, delivers one of the signature lines of his acting career. It’s a call to action, as bold and meaningful as any I’ve ever heard. His words are emblematic of the challenges we face everyday in life: whether we should take chances, follow our dreams, simply just show up or sit idly by.
He says this line to Matt Damon’s character, Will Hunting, in an attempt to inspire him:
“Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you’re findin’ out that one is by givin’ it a shot.”
Life is much better- much bolder- when we give it a shot and persevere in the face of adversity.
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