From clawed skin to the lifetime of resilience and daring
The pain and redemption of being uprooted
Many flee war, poverty, political oppression in search of safety, prosperity, and freedom. If only the reasonableness of the decision to leave the bad in search of the better would also make it feel less painful and uncertain. A woman I talked to recently shared her memories of the last days she spent in her homeland of Cuba before emigrating to the US:
Leaving was a very difficult decision, we said goodby to my grandparents not knowing if we’d see them again. Because once you left Cuba at the time, you’re not permitted to come back. You’re severing all ties. It was very emotional and draining. The whole town came out to say goodbye, so I knew it was very deep. It was such a somber, dark mood. I could tell as a child that there was some big stuff happening. And it was all about: What do we do? What does our future look like? What decisions do we need to make? (Cuba)
Even if the impetus to leave is born out of less dramatic circumstances and more personal yearning for the adventure of the quest, rather than instigated by the external factors, no human is immune to the hurt and the emotional intensity of being uprooted.
Even when they can not wait to leave and start anew at the place where they hope they’d eventually feel like less of an outcast, reaching a better future still entails parting ways with the present.
In the interviews I’ve conducted with immigrants from 32 countries that visceral connection to our origin is so powerful and organic it would not be an over exaggeration to say that severing that connection feels like dismembering.
Being torn from the place that one, up until the point of migration, has always been a part of, stirs up such rawness of affect making the sensation both physically tender and emotionally unsettling.
The experience of migrating and leaving the place of origin is about leaving things behind that you may not need. But there is a friction in that process, it’s difficult. Like the claw tearing the skin, it’s tearing off the affections. It’s the most raw of the experiences. (Chile)
And all this before even beginning to grapple with the culture shock at the new place! Long before being transplanted, the floating roots must figure out how to sustain life in the interim, in advance of finding the new welcoming soil to settle and thrive in.
Nothing like the emotional tornado that comes with the notion of leaving all known behind and forging into the unknown can kick in the survival mode more swiftly.
It’s like taking a fish from a fish tank to a river. In the tank the fish is used to its beautiful and colorful surroundings and then you take it to the river to explore. There’s everything there but, like the fish, as an immigrant you have to find things, you have to make your own place. It’s very difficult to adjust. The fish tank represents your home, your culture, your family, everything you know. And then you’re thrown into the river or the ocean. You can live, but you have to find the same enjoyment you lost with that tank. (Morocco)
Like a hero’s journey, migratory experience is a lifetime of dealing with the new and growing more resilient and resourceful following all the triumph and failure it brings, ultimately getting to the point of staring fear in the face with courage and living life with optimism.
There are so many positives to the immigrant experience, but I would have not said that to you 30 years ago. It was hard to come by. I would never wish the immigrant experience upon anyone, because to get to this place where I’m comfortable with who I am was not an easy metamorphosis. The pains are still very palpable. But I have this perspective of optimism when I think of my immigrant experience. I was able to see the kinds of obstacles that were overcome by my parents coming over. And whenever you see the bottom of something, you think ok, there it is, it didn’t kill us, you can define that. So next time it comes around you’re gonna be able to say: I see ya! Immigrants are so resilient that way. (Taiwan)
Yes, the speed of the river may be disorienting, and the vastness of the ocean intimidating, but once the initial sense of overwhelm subsides with time and acclimatization, the revelatory redeeming part is that there is so much liberating about migration!
The movement itself begets appreciation for exploration and carries the inexhaustible sense of possibility.
In your country, you’re in your routine, in your zone. Coming out of your zone gives you a shake and makes you think in a different way about life. Like, I’m not alone in this world, in this country, there is something to be explored everywhere, in the community, in my neighborhood. There is a sense of “there’s more!” (Brazil)
Immigrants or not, we all know from many life experiences that progressing or getting anywhere new requires parting with the old, the known, the routine. However, immigrants may be some of the best experts on how to deal with that process.
Their stories, tips and strategies can serve us as nothing short of top tier consultations we deem indispensable in learning about entrepreneurship, boosting creativity, and sustaining motivation, but sadly too often only when they come from a handful of experts in a handful of fields.
By listening more attentively and openly to immigrants we do not only flex our empathy muscles and humanize the migratory experience, but also benefit from their expertise on how to deal with the pains and challenges that come with leaving the comfort zone and embracing uncertainty. We not only get to learn about survival and adapting but how to find enthusiasm and beauty in the process of embracing change.
There is an opportunity here I hope we don’t keep squandering because of how we currently tend to see and treat immigrants as: an issue. If the lessons of resilience, defying the status quo and daring greatly came from startup founders or fancy life coaches we’d be paying big bucks to have their droplets of wisdom graze us mere mortals ever dehydrated of guidance and ideas.
Not to say that learning from those sources doesn’t have its place and value (after all many of them are also immigrants!), but there is a lot to be learned from a variety of experiences, perspectives and all walks of life. And if anyone deserves impressive credentials on a hefty spectrum of life lessons learned, immigrants surely do.
Instead of trying to make them fit into the existing frame of our way of thinking, why aren’t we busy asking immigrants what they think? Why isn’t the migratory experience another powerfully abundant pool from which we draw inspiration and practical takes on courage, creativity, business savvy, responsibility, perseverance, innovation?
Aren’t we at least curious to listen and learn? So that in some much more inclusive and brighter future we can occasionally, when in a pickle, be grateful to seek counsel in wondering: what would an immigrant do?
