Girlz I Plocked
I suffer from an ailment I describe as being Homonyminally Challenged.
This means that I frequently misinterpret a word in a conversation for its homonym, regardless of the obvious context.
For instance, if you were to say “look at that beautiful pear”, referring to the ripe piece of fruit in front of my nose, I would very likely look around the room for a nonexistent attractive couple.
I am utterly convinced that neuroscientists will soon identify and name this synaptic disorder, though I have yet to meet anyone else similarly afflicted and have a small but nagging suspicion that the consumption of illicit drugs at a tender age may be at play here.
This afternoon I had an event that was similar in terms of synaptic failure but it didn’t involve the usual homonym confusion.
I was reading an article on Medium.com by Holly Wood when I noticed her twitter account name was @girlziplocked. I immediately interpreted this to mean “Girlz I Plocked,” which annoyed me for a couple of reasons.
First, I hate it when people use “z” for the plural form. It reminds me of the ’80s. It was embarrassing then and not only is it still embarrassing, it’s also extremely dated and not in a cool vintage way.
Secondly, I didn’t know what “plocked” meant and thought one more time I am going to have to go to UrbanDictionary to find out what the Young People are talking about.
Here are a few of the potential meanings that invaded my mind before I could shut it off:
1. Girls I Had Sex With
2. Girls I Was Mean To
3. Girls I Ignored Because I Thought They Were Stupid
4. Girls I Wanted to Be
5. Girls I Was Best Friends With And We Were So Close We Could Read Each Others’ Minds While We Braided Each Others’ Hair
6. Girls Whose Asses I Kicked In Sports
And then it hit me. Girl Ziplocked.
Wow — what a great name! I am now more convinced than ever that I have brain damage.
