Going High Not Low
How many times do you find yourself regretting an interaction because of the way you reacted to something? I would assume the answer is in the high millions because rarely a day goes by when I don’t wonder why I said something the way I did, or what prompted me to want to react in a certain way. I was listening to a podcast today where Michelle Obama was being interviewed by Oprah and they were talking about Michelle’s famous ‘when they go low, we go high’. She said something about how when we react based on our ego, on our wanting to hurt someone or get revenge for what they said to us — to make someone feel like they made us feel — we aren’t thinking about the bigger picture. The larger conversation that is essentially between myself and I.
It’s easy to retaliate and show off how quick, smart, smug, spiteful and witty you are. To throw around comments that are hurtful but in your eyes, place you above someone else. What does this say about who you are inside? When I want to react in a way that is hurtful, I’ve started asking myself why I want this person to feel bad. To know that I felt bad? Well, how many times do you stop to think about how someone else feels after they have hurt you? Not often. So what makes me think that this person gives a shit about how bad I’m feeling? The ultimate goal is always about making someone feel how you would like to feel, not how you really felt.
By trying to improve my everyday interactions, to precede each sentence with a moment of patience and hopefully kindness, is a mammoth ask. It’s asking someone to fundamentally change the way they behave and interact with the world, unless all you have to say are nice things, in which case you are a star. To go high does not mean to be better than someone or treat them with disdain but to elevate the entire interaction to something you can be proud of taking part in. You can’t control how other people speak or behave but you can always control your own role in every conversation. It’s not easy, but it’s something I try to think about. Something I try to inculcate into my life and some days are definitely better than others, and also less common.
