Most of my life I’ve been what is termed as an introvert… I’ve simply seen myself as shy.

While in school, I was never what you would call popular. I had friends but wasn’t part of the “in” crowd; which was fine with me. I liked what I liked and never gave much thought to what anyone else was doing. As I got older, this attitude further insulated me from my peer group. I didn’t seek the ‘after work’ crowd, and in most cases, never attend optional events. I’m what you call a homebody. I don’t like crowds, and don’t feel the need to spend countless hours out and about. I’m happiest at home in front of my computer typing away. As a writer, this comes in handy… as a person… not so much.

Problem was - while I prepared my first book for publication, I was shaken by the realization I would soon have to promote it. I now had to seek out the very people I had shunned my entire life… worse: I need their approval.

Why can’t I be a faceless entity that churns out books en mass??

The truth was handed to me by a dear and wise friend… because that isn’t how the world works. I had to take stock of myself; my life and make changes. I sought the counsel of this same friend, hoping she could shed some light on the issue at hand. She is out-going and considered a friend to everyone; I thought there might be a secret formula — a how to win friends and influence people equation as it were.

She, of course, laughed at me out right and with good reason. My thought process was flawed… and sat me down to reveal some universal truth. She started with my comfort zone, or rather, lack thereof - I didn’t have to speak in front of a crowd; but I needed to learn to be comfortable in one. For me this was hard, I’m a bookstore and tea kind of girl: I didn’t relish the thought of ‘engaging’. The next issue was talking to people I didn’t know. Easier; I talk to people all the time… on the phone… but it was time to do it face to face. GAH! I started slow, and turns out I had just stopped trying.

All this time I had been working on building my confidence I was struck by a moment of complete and utter clarity. I started wondering if there were more people in the world like me, thinking they were shy when in fact they were just scared. My friend asked what I had discovered about myself. I knew she meant bravery - not the run into a burning building bravery, but the stop and look at yourself and decide what you’re made of bravery. I had lived life thinking I was one thing only to figure out fear and lack of confidence held me back. I had an epiphany, what if I stopped living in fear? What if I chose to be who I wanted to be? Radical thought… yes… but would I have the courage of my conviction? Was I going through an existential crisis? Had I started to question my own existence?

I liked that my answer was honest and sincere and wondered how other people would answer. This stroke of genius (or at least something that felt like it to me anyway), led me to say ‘why not ask exactly that.’ I came up with what I thought were interesting questions, and while my friends loved my idea, they thought more intimate questions would be more fun. Thus, I resolved I would ask the Interwebs their thoughts on Sex…

I posted my survey and my inbox overflowed with responses. I was floored with how honest people were when I gave them the opportunity to be completely anonymous. I started to see that people - no matter where they lived - what they did - or how old they were - were basically the same the world over. We all share the same hopes and dreams, we all worry we’re not good enough or that we’ll never reach our goals.

In asking people to answer me, I had done something truly brave (at least in my book); I’d started thinking about fear. I spend so much time in my own head editing and rethinking things, that this solitary thought hit me like a ton of bricks… Honesty: there’s far too little of it in the world, and it is one precious commodity we never focus on.

I want honesty in my life! Now, this doesn’t mean I say whatever I think… I mean, I’m not looking to be punched in the face on a daily basis. But if something important comes in my head, I’m not sitting on the sidelines any more. I’m jumping in with both feet, and you know what? I don’t wonder if the guy across the room is interested; I walk over and talk to him. I don’t sit at home anymore; I have far too much life to live. I’ve taken the leap to live my life openly and honestly. The thing that sums it up for me is from the movie “The Bucket List”, when they are talking about the ancient Egyptians belief in death.

Now I live my life with this simple goal - answer these questions:

Were you happy?

Did you make someone else happy?

and Did you have a good life?