How Brazilian Jiu Jitsu changed your life?

I needed an intervention. For myself.

I, on record, can affirm that I am a chronic “give-er up-er”.

As July of 2015 was coming to a close I came to the realisation that I had an awful lot of inherent habits that I did not enjoy having around. From something quite trivial like (that’s what I thought initially anyway) watching too much porn to a habit that essentially has carved out my life, not finishing anything that I start. I was a “give-er up-er”. Though drinking to much alcohol, not saving enough money and even a possible addiction to porn are something I wanted to have some control over, my main objective for this intervention was to come up with a solution that helped me not give up on goals, projects and major milestones that I have always wanted myself to achieve yet let them go due to several reasons.

Bro, stop worrying!

Now at this point you may ask Why change? “Why don’t you just stop worrying and enjoy your life bro? Life is about balance.” Is what a co-worker said to me once. Yes life is about balance and though I am not awfully concerned about the long term effects of watching porn once a day, what does worry me, and possibly the source of most of my regret, is the unequivocal effect this habit of “giving up” has had on my life .

What do I mean when I say giving up? Starting University and getting through two thirds of the degree and quitting…twice. Starting a new trade and quitting during the learning phase purely because I was not up for the hard work. Trying to start a business and just giving up because the process was too lengthy and difficult. Starting another degree and again quitting because I felt I didn't need it. Not pursuing meaningful relationships. The list is endless.

QUIT

I came to the realisation that these bad habits have become a part of my unconscious thinking which have made me completely unaware to them. In doing so, these habits which essentially are a way of thinking became part of my daily life and without even knowing, they wreck havoc. Quitting a bad habit is a complex process and at the beginning of August 2015 on my quest to becoming better at “not giving up” I made my biggest discovery: YOU CANNOT SIMPLY WILL YOUR MIND INTO CHANGING, NO MATTER HOW MENTALLY STRONG YOU ARE.

Environment is stronger than your will and the illusion in our head is that our will trumps environment. That is absolutely not true. Your will is what tricks you into believing that you can change. It is then you have a chance to change your environment to improve but if you don’t then you will remain the same. — Chris Haueter

INTERVENTION TIME

I needed to change my environment. My mind was used to being a “give-er up-er” and it found it perfectly normal to do so. No matter what milestone or goal I planned for myself, when the initial motivation disappeared, my mind found it too easy to push me back into my comfort zone. By the way, comfort zone is a modern day buzz word that people are told to avoid but no one tells you what the actual “zone” has inside it that makes it so bad. For me, it was procrastination, laziness, anxiety to start, fear of failure and the biggest of them all, shame. I was ashamed of my past and my failures and did not want to fail anymore.

What’s worse?

I had no clue that this was the case before I became “self-aware”. I was so afraid of my past that it was in fact limiting my future.

Becoming aware was a great start but I knew that I needed to do something big. I have always been one of the guys who thought “go big or go home” and I needed to force my mind to change by providing it all the right ingredients. My theory in order to teach my mind to “not give up” was:

1. The environment has to force me to learn a skill at an exponential rate that allows my brain to fully engage.
2. There has to be stages of learning and a hierarchy which differentiates between the “masters” and the “new-learners”.
3. The environment must be safe enough for me to fail yet made me want to improve.
4. Vulnerability not shame must be part of the environment.
5. To become a master, besides all other factors, you must be patient.

The last point is the key. Though I feel that you need time to master any skill, some skills require greater time to perfect that others. I needed a tool that tested my patience, consistency and didn't allow me short cuts.

ENTER BJJ

Jiu-Jitsu is an expression of one’s true self. It is an art.

If you haven’t heard much about BJJ let me tell you that it is one of the toughest sport to participate in and it is even tougher to master. It is said that Jiu-Jitsu is an expression of one’s true self and hence it changes with you. With that in mind, many practitioners say that no one, not even the founders of BJJ, can claim that their jiu-jitsu is complete.

I remember the first month at my BJJ gym like it was yesterday. I was aware walking into the place of the “no-ego” rule but coming from a competitive sporting background it was hard not be proud for being the biggest guy in the gym. My pride didn't last long. As I continuously lost against fighters who were half my size, including a girl who was 50kg lighter than me, I came to the realisation that I have found my environment.

The next few months that followed were incredible. Incredible in defeat. Incredible in acceptance. Incredible in learning.

Here is what I learned:

1. Frequency is the key. Often people say to start small and take the smallest step possible. I found that to be disadvantageous for myself and I often found it too easy to listen to my excuses to not participate. To counter this, when my motivation to participate in jiu-jitsu was high, I made myself go to the gym everyday. This ingrained the habit of “going to bjj” in my mind and made me believe that BJJ is part of my regular life and nothing I should be afraid of. When you are starting out learning any new skill, the frequency you participate in growing that skill is important.
2. Consistency is key. When I started with BJJ, my excitement for learning the sport was so high that I was engrossed in the sport completely. I would watch videos, write down new moves and train before and after classes everyday. I was spending close to 5–6 hours thinking about or doing jiu-jitsu. Then the motivation and the excitement crashed. What was left was just my habit of going to the gym every day without fail. I realised that in the long run, consistency is key.
3. There is no shame in failing. When you start BJJ, there is almost a certain guarantee that everyone in the room in going to better than you. As I spent hours and hours on purely surviving, I learned that no matter how hard you try, you will fail eventually. Infact you will fail so often that you will want to quit. But that’s the point. In jiu-jitsu if you are not failing it either means you are not being pushed hard enough or your not trying new things. Neither of which are acceptable. Failure is part of life. Accept it, learn and grow.
4. Patience IS a virtue. When I started BJJ, I was amazed with the skill some people had. As a competitive athlete, I wanted those skills because I wanted to win. It wasn't until my coach told me — “some techniques just take time because you are simply not ready for them” — that I realised that it had nothing to do with my willingness to learn the new and cool techniques but instead it was because my body and mind weren't ready for them. I didn't possess the awareness and balance. How did I get those? Time.
5. Never give up. It is said in BJJ that “a black belt is just a white belt who didn't give up”. From the day I walked in, I spent close to an hour every day being wrestled, arm-barred, leg-locked, choked and just getting smashed. I knew that If I give up, I won’t learn anything. In order to learn, I had to give in to the process and just keep turning up.

Fredrick Nietzsche had a famous saying “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”.This quote, in essence sums up my experience of the last 6 months stepping into the world of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in order to better myself as a human being. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a rare martial art that has a unique ability to transcend the form of merely being a sport and has a habit of transforming its practitioners life. I should however add a caveat to this story — I almost did get killed.