How You Know That A Friend Is TOXIC

I once had this person in my life, who used to be my best-est friend, but now we are just avoiding each other in every aspect of our social life, online and off. I wouldn’t say he’s a bad person, because I don’t believe that anyone is inherently bad — “there are no bad people; there are just people who do bad things.”

BUT, I know I wasn’t my best self for the entire period that I was hanging out with him. And by ‘the entire period,’ I mean, Two. Whole. Fucking. Years. -pardon my language-

And the worst thing is, I knew — that I wasn’t the nice person that I wanted to be. I. Knew.

But I was okay with it then. I was okay with being mean.

We would talk shit about people behind their back, like it’s the best-est thing ever. To bitch and gossip about people; make fun of how they dress or look; to criticise them behind their back, and sometimes in their face even...

And for what? To make ourselves feel better? Perhaps. I don’t know.

But I was okay with being mean. Because I felt that I wasn’t alone being so.

Sometimes I did feel bad, and wanted to be nice instead, like you know, help the subject of interest defend him or herself. But no, I wasn’t able to hold my ground for long.

I tried to rise above, but (in retrospect I realise) he was always there to try to pull me back down to his standard.

I had thought he was my anchor, but in truth, he was actually my ball and chain.

No, I’m not saying that I’m the best person ever. I’m no angel. But with him, I was not even a good person. He didn’t inspire me to do good to feel good. Instead, we were doing bad to feel good. And that’s just wrong. It just is.

And so, I stopped hanging out with him. I finally said No — not to him, but to myself. I stopped agreeing with his ways. I stopped believing in his methods of having fun. I stopped having any form of contact with him.

He noticed. He knew I wasn’t happy with him. And so, like in many lost friendships, we slowly drifted apart.

Erm… actually no. I was more of riding off on a speedboat, going as fast as I could in the opposite direction. The further, the better. Right?

Yeah. Damn I was right.

So, my advice to you is this — BE with someone, whether a friend or a lover, who not only treats you well, but also treats other people well.

Be with someone who encourages you to do good. To do the right things. To be(come) a better person.

Be with someone who makes you feel more confident — and not more arrogant — as a person.

Be with somebody who makes you love life more. Love more things more; love more people more; and feel more love more. NOT less.

Be with somebody who receives more joy when he/she gives, than when he/she takes.

Lastly, be with somebody who lets you be you, but could also help you be even more.