Humpty Dumpty — A satire

It took him 2 years, 7 months and 94 days to complete the structure to his satisfaction. He’d not count the last 94 days in terms of months since each of those days had seemed somewhat longer than saying hippopotamus 86,400 times.

He was the only human involved in the task of putting together the tallest structure on the planet. It was a good thing he was blessed with a fair level of intellect, and an ability to use tools and machines that allowed him to work alone. As the tower grew in height, he discovered there did not exist tools and mechanical contraptions that were needed to keep going higher whilst maintaining the integrity of the structure. He cursed himself for not having thought of these complications earlier but not for too long, and then went and built all that was required for the build.

If one were to give him his rightful dues, a societal behaviour that’s far more complicated, constipated and dilatory than it should be, he built things far more consequential than the tallest man-made structure on Earth. Most of his ‘incidental’ inventions, his designs and ideas were path breaking to say the least. But sometimes, people can’t even get to the lowest levels of appreciation. Well, if nothing else, he will always be known as the guy who built ‘The Tall Wall’.

Because, when looked at from one of its four sides, that’s what it resembled most — a wall. Though plain and simple, the sheer height of the tall block made it a constructional wonder. The other three sides had all kinds of neat tricks to hold the wall up. There were no interiors at all; it was just a tall dense monolith.

No one had really paid any attention to him when he’d started off with his endeavour. It was only after he’d already reached a certain level of elevation, beyond which permits and licenses came into play, that the world started to fuss. Amongst other things, he was asked to submit his final plans for the structure — both in terms of construction and final usage.

“I just want to sit atop the rooftop of our world and have an orange whilst admiring the view around me”, he told folks.

The world went into an unparalleled frenzy.

People all over the world were reacting incredulously, “Eat an orange at that height! Does he not know that’s simply not permissible? Who does he think he is? Why can’t he enjoy his oranges on the ground and just consume an apple when he’s up there?”

“But I like an orange”, he would say, “and that does not really harm anyone. It’s my wall and my orange. Why can’t I just savour the two?”

But the world just wasn’t ready to budge. What is not permissible just cannot be allowed.

Social media was on fire. The hashtag #noorangesonthewall was trending more than the word ‘trending’ had ever meant to imply. His picture with the half finished structure had been shared and re-shared so many number of times across all platforms, that it beat the years old record of the famous cat without whiskers!

Stray voices trying to question the arbitrariness of the age old ‘orange rule’ whilst pointing out the harmlessness of having an orange at a height were bullied back into silence. They were just not enough in numbers. There was a considerable show of strength by the majority. After all, a mob is a fairly safe place to be as long as you’re part of the deluge.

Multiple world bodies had to step in. They told him in no uncertain manner that he would not be allowed to finish his structure unless he signs an undertaking that he would never eat an orange atop his tall wall.

Wanting to finish what he’d started, he gave in reluctantly. The world was unanimous in its exuberance of having averted the orange disaster.

Things were fast returning to normal. A photograph of a dog without its tail was trending, when satellite pictures captured images of him, atop the wall, with not just a single orange.

The reaction was as efficient as it was swift. A collective decision by the council of multiple countries authorised a response team to paradrop on the wall and put an immediate stop to this outrage.

The action was being streamed live to billions across the world. Twice that many number of eyes watched with anticipation as the team landed on the wall and asked him to hand over the oranges and surrender peacefully.

He did not.

The view around him was breathtaking and an orange had never tasted sweeter.

For some, even though you can’t win, the will to protect and cherish your freedom against random arbitrariness takes precedence over everything else. For others, human life is precious only as long as it complies. With rules, with dogmas, with collective rationale.

There was a scuffle; he fell. So did many human traits.

The world has not been able to put itself back together again.