I Trolled My Tinder Matches With Lyrics From Adele’s “Hello”

It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry

For those who have been following me on Medium or Twitter, you know about my hatred for Tinder. Hate that has left me with this perpetual enmity for the love app.

But thankfully, the two of us are on the outs. After all, I’m not someone looking for mediocre sex with a partner of questionable health. My goal, if I play my cards right, is to meet somebody who will one day join me hand in hand as I walk in a semi-comatose state through the aisles of HomeGoods. Because there’s only one way to walk through HomeGoods and that’s without paying attention to anything but THE DEALS!

So as I close up Tinder shop and bid adieu, sure, I could just replace my picture with the picture of my ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend, but what fun is that?

Instead… I spent my last days on the app going down in a blaze of glory, trolling people I was matched with, with lyrics from Adele’s “Hello.”

The rules here were pretty loose. Every word had to be from the song, but they had to be complete lines, so for instance, I couldn’t combine or mix words from different verses.

This is how it went. And yes, I was un-matched every time.