Is Polygamy All An Act?
One mans experience with monogamy and love.
My name is Jonathan Flynn, I’m 24, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years and I feel like the world wants me to be single.
I met my boyfriend when I was 19. I had just started in a well known high street clothing store and it was team building night.
I remember walking into the canteen with two other new starters. We had just met each other in a small almost closet-like training room where we exchanged small talk and laughed uncomfortably.
We were later ushered into the canteen, a larger box with white plastic tables spread along the right and a kitchenette to the left. Motivating posters plastered the walls rubbing shoulders with images of models wearing the latest trends. Cradled beside the kitchenette was a seating area with a group of men and women chattering at lightning speed.
Upon hearing us enter the room conversation dimmed. Drawn from their game of wii (an incentive from management for doing good in the last quarter) their eyes slowly drifted from my face to the girl beside me to the girl beside her. I met some of their welcoming glances giving a shy smile.
My vision floated from a tall skinny blonde haired woman’s face, early 20s, nose ring, to a shorter dark skinned man, late 20s acne cratering his cheeks. And then I saw him.
The image is burned in my memory but as though I’m looking at it from afar. Like when Facebook asks you to tag a friend and the AI zooms in on a persons face in the background.
He was tanned and slightly shorter with brown hair, a strong brow and a splash of stubble. Eye colour remained a mystery at this distance but we locked eyes for only a split second before we both scurried to our spots. He with his friends along the couches, I with the newbies at the white table.
Time passed and I chatted to one of the new girls sitting beside me, Siobhan. We would later become friends, laughter filling our shifts together.
The night continued bringing us up to the ground floor of the store. Closed about 30 minutes the store was quiet, the indie folk music switched off for the night. There was a buzz of excitement in the air as everyone chatted amongst themselves, bitching about the days annoying customers and drooling over the new winter line of jackets.
I stood at the ground floor steps spiralling down beneath us into the basement with Siobhan as management announced they would be placing us into three groups.
Groups?!
My heart immediately started racing and my eyes started searching for mystery man. Our eyes locked again for a sliver of a second. He was standing across from me leaning against the railings that lead spiralled above us towards the first floor.
Lovestruck on a corkscrew.
I don’t know why but my thoughts became transfixed on being placed in a group with him and about how nervous I would be. I could somehow sense a nervousness emanating from him too.
There was also another feeling stirring within me. A feeling, upon reflection, that reminded me of when my Dad would tell me of when he met my Mum.
I felt my soul leave my body and intertwine with hers. From that moment on I knew she was the one.
We were placed in two separate groups and didn’t speak for the rest of the night. Nameless and unknown to one another.
As time went on we were offically introduced in the fitting rooms and later crossed paths on a night out. Short lived, as his drunken friend (and highly intoxicated self) were swept away.
After several incidents (a friendly text from him, shoulders brushing on a train home and extremely light flirting- almost non existent) we crossed paths on New Years Eve. Pure coincidence actually..sort of.
I was at a house party of a friend of a friend who happened to be a past schoolmate of his and lived ten minutes from his house.
We kissed at countdown and spent the night together in the attic bedroom. We talked and lay beside each other in bed, alcohol fatigue getting the better of us. We woke up at 6 in the morning to a sleeping house and he asked me back to his home. His parents were away for New Years and one committed friend remained in his, remnants of a New Years party.
We arrived back at his house greeted by his friend cleaning up. After a quick introduction we sat in his sitting room and two more friends appeared, after migrating from the local pub. At this point my eyes were refusing to stay open and he brought me up to his bed and put me to sleep.
I woke up the next morning with him beside me and from that day on we became Jonathan & Gary.
5 years have passed and so many memories have been shared. Mexico, Paris, New York, London, Sydney, Graduations, Birthdays, Funerals, Friendships, Celebrations, Laughter and Tears.
But yet with all this happiness I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be in this relationship. That I am missing out on a crucial part of life.
I have met many people that, upon hearing about the length of our relationship, chirp in with ‘but you’re so young?’
Does youth demand a solitary life compiled of one night stands and a string of extinguished relationships?
I do not want to have Gary out of my life. If anything he has made my life better. He has helped me become the man I always dreamed of becoming. I’m confident, social, happy, almost fearless. Almost.
Movies portray the single life as one filled with constant searching for a soul-mate, ‘the one’. I feel that I have met my soul-mate, someone who understands me and respects me to my core. A person you can grow with and continue to learn from.
I have happiness but I still wonder why the idea of bed hopping and chronic dating is perceived almost as a right of passage.
Have I missed out?
Articles flow through the web advising readers about how important it is to travel the world single. A relationship will hinder your experience and won’t allow you to live every moment.That if you remain single throughout your twenties you will be granted the secrets of eternal happiness.
I want to know who writes these articles? Are they written by those scorned by love? Or those that have never experienced it?
Perhaps they have a simpler idea in mind.
Stay single, date frequently and gain a better understanding of what you want from a relationship.
Ultimately most people settle down with a significant other. We find ourselves feeling sympathetic for those that encounter old age and remain single. We fear that could happen to us. The infamous “cat lady” being a prime example.
Our obsession with monogamy reminds me of a water slide. As young adults it soars high above ground, out of view, out of mind. As the years pass it begins to come crashing down towards the surface of the water. We become transfixed with finding “the one” before there is no one and we are left alone. Breaking the surface we panic, self-consciously trying to accept that we could be alone forever. As the surface settles and it continues along its rails we start to look at those remaining, without partners. We feel bad for them. Monogamy clinging to us like a wet t-shirt, smothering and chilling.
So if ultimately we all aim to obtain this sense of complete and utter love have I have achieved something special? Like having the answer sheet placed in your lap before an exam.
I did not set out to write this piece as an attack on those that celebrate their independence. Those that enjoy being single. Nor is this piece meant to serve as a podium celebrating all those that embrace committed relationships at a younger age. Just a gateway to an open discussion.
What do you think? @jpflynn
