Life; Like this Article is One Giant Mess of Thoughts..

Today was your birthday.
I didn’t know what to do,
years have passed with out a word between us two.

I just wanted to say happy birthday — because I didn’t forget. I want you to know that I thought of you all day, 
I thought of you when the clock hit midnight and my phone was glaring in a pitch black room, and my heart fell to the bottom of my feet.

“On the day that you were born

The angels got together

And decided to create a dream come true

So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of golden starlight in your eyes of blue…” 😘 ✨ 💫 ⭐️ 🌟 ❤️ 🌙

i deleted the text and closed my phone another 365 days without each other, without knowing one another souls,

who are you anymore?

Have you stopped for a second?

Just a moment on that walk to work, to your car, to the store to look up from your iPhone, texting, snap chatting, to see the actual beauty that surrounds you?

The beauty we take for granted. To just be present, to just be.

Does it count to “be present” if I binge watch this whole Netflix series right meow?

I saw the cutest guy at Starbucks studying, blond hair, beautiful eyes, and I was going to write a note to him something cute yet funny:

“Java number I can call you up at?” (I excluded the coffee themed pickup line)

I was going to be all ballsy, I wrote the note, walked by him and put the note in the trash.

All the questions rushed in my mind:

What if he had a girlfriend ? What if he thought it was stupid? What if he thought it was corny? But, when I got in my car I thought what if he liked it? —

now I will never know.

I stopped defending people a long time ago. You vouch for people, push for them, swear they’re different & someone is watching you look like a fool.

So this is where I find myself: right in the middle of a dilemma. And it leaves me with some provocative questions:

“How can I take chances without the constant fear of failure, hurt, anxiety?”

“Why do people avoid gluten, when they have no medical justification for avoiding gluten?

“Why is their so much hate in this world?”

“Why do people lie?”

“When will I feel like I have it all together?”

“Why are ‘likes’ more important than one love?

would you like to skin me and wear me too?

I’m afraid to stay open, because I don’t think people understand me. Your not the first one to try to figure me out.

I’m a pillar of strength, a paragon of confidence, I have been told to be one in million.

I’am one in a million.

I think people say things because they expect people to say them,

“I’ll be there for you”

“I love you”

“Lets catch up!”

“Don’t give up, I found my happiness!”

We say these things to comfort people but I don’t know if its necessarily what they need or what we want to really say.

We say, “that no matter what happens between us, something goes bad, I’m only a call or text away” — but we know that deep down when you try to reach out when we need someone, it’s not true.

“You’re not there, you never were there, you just say these things because you feel like you’re better person for saying it.”

We live in such a dishonest world. Everyone is affected. Everyone keeps secrets. But, everything is revealed at some point or another.

I appreciate your optimism but please shut up.

It’s exhausting to see so many of us copying others

trying to imitate talents, and imitate looks,

I’m art, I’m not supposed to be perfect,

yet we are all pining to all be the same,

in a society that says “be different” but if I try, they tell me to stop…

so we all just blend in and stand out just enough but not too much.

I have emotions, I cry, I smile, I have hopes, fears and dreams — I have blood that pumps through my veins —

if you cut me with words I bleed,

I’m human, please remember that.

Am I eating too much gluten?

I said “I’m not enough for you”,

You told me you would never be enough for me.

TODAY is the day you are living, you may think you have another 10 years or your planning for the next two weeks, but the truth is, nothing is promised to us. What’s promised is this moment.

Life has days that you feel that you don’t want to get out of bed, but you do anyway.

Life is about choices, its about failures, its about happiness, sadness, sharing, hiding, its realizing that it’s not perfect, YOU are not perfect. People are always going to judge you, but don’t allow the thoughts of others dictate your ability to be who you are —

No matter what I will not let the bitterness of people steal my sweetness.

I guess it doesn’t matter if we haven’t seen each other, years, months, days.. I see this date I remember you, and I remember that you made an impression in my heart.

I want to lay in a sunflower field, I want to write words that will heal hearts.

my soul is so old — I’m just trying to find another who speaks my language of ancient starbursts and moon beams.

I want to help change the world, I also want to sleep.

I may fall and I may fail, but I will stand again each time.

life is a mess of thoughts fluctuating between the chaos and the calm.